Just to let y'all know I've started a Twitter feed along with a Facebook page so you can keep track of updates.
I'll also be using those assets sometimes for polls on what you would like to read about next.
Next full update on thursday!
Twitter feed
Facebook Page
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Quickie update: Links
After the toy and lingerie update I found myself helping a few people on where to find what they were looking for. I therefore decided to just post a quick list of links to help you all out.
Sex toys:
-Adam & Eve : Easily your number one stop shop.
-Healthy and Active: another great store with low shipping
-The Adult Toy Shoppe: very good store with a few helpful guides.
-Sex Toys :Great for UK buyers
-Pink Cherry: Your best option for Canada
Lingerie
-Trashy
-Frederick's of Hollywood
-La La Lingerie
-LIngerie dot com
-3 wishes (costumes)
-Buy Costumes (mostly halloween costumes with with a wide variety of sexy ones throughout).
And whatever you do, AVOID DOXY LINGERIE at all costs. They are a scam business and you will basically be throwing money out the window. Never, under any circumstances, deal with Doxy.
Well I hope this help. I'll be back next week with a real update but in the meantime I just set up the blog email at pervadvice [at] gmail [dot] com so feel free to send me an email for comments/questions/requests.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Lingerie for those more Conservative
One goal I had when I started writing this little project was to open up new options for some people. Just broaden your horizons a little bit and be willing to try new things. It doesn't have to be something as dramatic as throwing your tongue deep inside your partner's ass, it can be something simple like today's topic: Lingerie. Now keep in mind this update will be my own opinion on the subject rather than facts, as well as what I believe is the way some things are perceived.
"men shop for lingerie like children buy cereal. the dont care what they buy. as long as they get the prize thats inside"
-Jeff Foxworthy.
In a sad way it's true of some people. Some see lingerie as a waste of money since you're going to take it off of her anyway, why waste 200$ on something you'll see for 30 seconds? If that were true then why would companies waste money making new, better looking underwear? We could all be wearing white granny panties with a boring beige bra. Why would Victoria's Secret spend millions on their fashion show every year?
Why would women care then? The way I always saw it, and ladies you're welcome to correct me, but it gives them some ounce of dignity left. I'm not saying being naked shames then but she doesn't fully uncover herself. It might be only psychological but having some clothes on (despite how small they are) lets her keep some aspect of control on her own body. The second she removes them she is bare, everything is uncovered for him to see, the lingerie allows her not only to keep that psychological boost knowing he wants what's underneath, but to make him work that much harder for it. I definately believe in the psychological aspect of it as one of the happiest days I've seen the missus is when she went to work wearing a bra+panties kit worth well over 200$. She didn't show anybody or even told anyone, but the idea that underneath the work uniform was something like that, something classy and desirable, but it boosted her morale as it made her feel, pardon the expression, like a million bucks.
Well, because some of us men really enjoy the look of lingerie and some women really enjoy wearing it. But why? why would I care what she's wearing? I'll start off with what you could call the cliché answer: Mystery.
I know what the missus looks like underneath everything, I have a pretty darn good mental image, yet the minute you put a pair of panties over her perfectly formed butt, or a bra on her perky and sensitive breasts, then I feel like they are a little out of reach, like I have to work for them. For that simple reason I do enjoy it when she keeps some of it on during sex. Maybe she keeps the skirt on during doggie style, or keeps her bra on while I go down on her, either way it keeps some mystery to it.
Now we move to more of an easthetic reason: it shows her off. Nothing puts a woman's best physically attractive traits into evidence like the right lingerie. I'm not talking about a push up bra to create cleavage or a thong that pops out of her jeans. I'm talking about something that embellishes a part of her which you already find attractive. Now I can't tell you what fabrics/pieces/styles go well on what because it all depends on the person and their preferences.
What I can give you are examples, of course once again from the missus. As I've mentionned a million times, and already once in this post, she has been gifted with a behind worth all the riches in the world. I mean a butt for which even the gods of the Pantheon would kneel down in amazement. Now as with most women, a thong looks great on her, the little string of fabric gives you a plentiful view but not much to the imagination. Now some people like that, as do I, but I much prefer a tight pair of bootyshorts/boyshorts. Those hug her curves and hold it up firmly, making it look even more bubblier than it is already. The tight, form-fitting shorts really do show it off under the best light without exposing everything right off the bat, it leaves something to be uncovered later on. From that point it could be lace, which it's smei-transparency enhances the whole mystery concept once more, or PVC for the real tight, leather look, or just sweats, for a mroe casual look.
Once again going with the Mystery idea, my favourite piece of lingerie is the corset. I've been known to spend quite a lot of dough on these due to my obsession with them. Once again not everyone likes corsets as they hide a lot of potential skin. The way I see them is it gives the missus a real victorian/classy look. Corsets do great to show off the breasts and hide anything you might feel is an imperfection (little tip: if you're dressing up in lingerie for your boyfriend, chances are he doesn't care about your "imperfections). Now with the corset, the boyshorts are not often the best choice as they tend to clash so most corset manufacturers bundle corsets with either matching material thongs, or skirts. The major problem with Boyshorts + Corsets combo is the fight for attention. They way boyshorts are designed, they grab the gaze and direct it towards what it's showing off: the butt. On the other hand corsets do the very same thing but with the chest. It's elegance and complexity fight off with the bottoms and you end up looking all over the place. With a thong though, it's much less fabric which shows off a lot more than on the top so it creates a really nice contrast between the almost-naked bottom, and the covered chest. The skirt though acts as almost an extension of the corset, often with the garter belt, to create the look of a one piece outfits where everything just works into each other. There's much less skin showing off, unless the corset has mesh, see through sides. Often with the skirt combo will the missus keep it on during the act, as both her and I enjoy the complexity of the outfit.
In a sub category of corsets are the bustiers, which, to be honest, aren't my thing. Along with cupless bras and crotchless panties I don't enjoy the lingerie that just show off everything right away. I see bustiers as a nice compliment to a bra and panties set (provided it matches), but not as a stand alone piece. In that case it looks more like a corset as it was originally designed in the Renaissance to slim a body down, rather than make it sexier. But I'm not one to discriminate against sexual preferences so if those are your department, then run wild.
Babydolls/nightgowns aren't as high on my list as corsets but nevertheless I made sure the missus owned a few for the occasion one of us would feel the need for it. Most babydolls are made of mostly see-through material so you forget the whole concept of mystery I built so hard to built up over the last few paragraphs. I look at it as more of a surprise before bed. Imagine you're getting ready to hit the hay and instead of coming out in her pj's and her bathrobe, your partner comes out wearing something almost completely see through over her body accompanied by a small thong. I'd call that a very nice surprise. She could come out in a corset yes but that would require more preparation (especially if it's a ribbon-tie). With the babydoll she just slide into it and is ready to go. I also see the babydoll as more of a romantic end to a night as compared to the corset. It could be something molded by Hollywood but after a romantic dinner and evening, you can easily imagine your lady slipping into one of these for you for a little romance and to "make love", as opposed to the corset which she would put on to "fuck your brains out".
As with my previous update regarding toys, after the main categories we fall down to the accessories. I'll go quickly through the obvious ones like stockings, which are in my opinion almost necessary in any kit that provides the garter belt for it. This one though I'll admit I can't explain why but even since the missus put them on the first time, I haven't been able to live without them. They add that extra dash of spicy to her outfit which always gets me going.
Shoes can be a very nice addition (mostly for those without the foot fetish). There is something to be said about the anticipation that rushes through you when you hear the clicks of heels as they get closer and closer. It's something primal and instinctive that just makes me wild. More often than not if she wears the shoes to turn me on, I'll have her keep them throughout the act.
Gloves are something I've been meaning to try but haven't had a chance to but the simple idea of it is enough. I do think it works either for the very classy look, or the very trashy fishnet look, nowhere in between really so keep that in mind.
There's plenty more of accessories that can be used but the rest fall more into the costume category which will be covered later on.
I feel at this point I should stop writing as most of these are preferences rather than facts, some points end up being harder to explain (such as my theory on women with lingerie) so I will bid you adieu until next week where I might be discussing watching porn with your partner.
"men shop for lingerie like children buy cereal. the dont care what they buy. as long as they get the prize thats inside"
-Jeff Foxworthy.
In a sad way it's true of some people. Some see lingerie as a waste of money since you're going to take it off of her anyway, why waste 200$ on something you'll see for 30 seconds? If that were true then why would companies waste money making new, better looking underwear? We could all be wearing white granny panties with a boring beige bra. Why would Victoria's Secret spend millions on their fashion show every year?
Why would women care then? The way I always saw it, and ladies you're welcome to correct me, but it gives them some ounce of dignity left. I'm not saying being naked shames then but she doesn't fully uncover herself. It might be only psychological but having some clothes on (despite how small they are) lets her keep some aspect of control on her own body. The second she removes them she is bare, everything is uncovered for him to see, the lingerie allows her not only to keep that psychological boost knowing he wants what's underneath, but to make him work that much harder for it. I definately believe in the psychological aspect of it as one of the happiest days I've seen the missus is when she went to work wearing a bra+panties kit worth well over 200$. She didn't show anybody or even told anyone, but the idea that underneath the work uniform was something like that, something classy and desirable, but it boosted her morale as it made her feel, pardon the expression, like a million bucks.
Well, because some of us men really enjoy the look of lingerie and some women really enjoy wearing it. But why? why would I care what she's wearing? I'll start off with what you could call the cliché answer: Mystery.
I know what the missus looks like underneath everything, I have a pretty darn good mental image, yet the minute you put a pair of panties over her perfectly formed butt, or a bra on her perky and sensitive breasts, then I feel like they are a little out of reach, like I have to work for them. For that simple reason I do enjoy it when she keeps some of it on during sex. Maybe she keeps the skirt on during doggie style, or keeps her bra on while I go down on her, either way it keeps some mystery to it.
Now we move to more of an easthetic reason: it shows her off. Nothing puts a woman's best physically attractive traits into evidence like the right lingerie. I'm not talking about a push up bra to create cleavage or a thong that pops out of her jeans. I'm talking about something that embellishes a part of her which you already find attractive. Now I can't tell you what fabrics/pieces/styles go well on what because it all depends on the person and their preferences.
What I can give you are examples, of course once again from the missus. As I've mentionned a million times, and already once in this post, she has been gifted with a behind worth all the riches in the world. I mean a butt for which even the gods of the Pantheon would kneel down in amazement. Now as with most women, a thong looks great on her, the little string of fabric gives you a plentiful view but not much to the imagination. Now some people like that, as do I, but I much prefer a tight pair of bootyshorts/boyshorts. Those hug her curves and hold it up firmly, making it look even more bubblier than it is already. The tight, form-fitting shorts really do show it off under the best light without exposing everything right off the bat, it leaves something to be uncovered later on. From that point it could be lace, which it's smei-transparency enhances the whole mystery concept once more, or PVC for the real tight, leather look, or just sweats, for a mroe casual look.
Once again going with the Mystery idea, my favourite piece of lingerie is the corset. I've been known to spend quite a lot of dough on these due to my obsession with them. Once again not everyone likes corsets as they hide a lot of potential skin. The way I see them is it gives the missus a real victorian/classy look. Corsets do great to show off the breasts and hide anything you might feel is an imperfection (little tip: if you're dressing up in lingerie for your boyfriend, chances are he doesn't care about your "imperfections). Now with the corset, the boyshorts are not often the best choice as they tend to clash so most corset manufacturers bundle corsets with either matching material thongs, or skirts. The major problem with Boyshorts + Corsets combo is the fight for attention. They way boyshorts are designed, they grab the gaze and direct it towards what it's showing off: the butt. On the other hand corsets do the very same thing but with the chest. It's elegance and complexity fight off with the bottoms and you end up looking all over the place. With a thong though, it's much less fabric which shows off a lot more than on the top so it creates a really nice contrast between the almost-naked bottom, and the covered chest. The skirt though acts as almost an extension of the corset, often with the garter belt, to create the look of a one piece outfits where everything just works into each other. There's much less skin showing off, unless the corset has mesh, see through sides. Often with the skirt combo will the missus keep it on during the act, as both her and I enjoy the complexity of the outfit.
In a sub category of corsets are the bustiers, which, to be honest, aren't my thing. Along with cupless bras and crotchless panties I don't enjoy the lingerie that just show off everything right away. I see bustiers as a nice compliment to a bra and panties set (provided it matches), but not as a stand alone piece. In that case it looks more like a corset as it was originally designed in the Renaissance to slim a body down, rather than make it sexier. But I'm not one to discriminate against sexual preferences so if those are your department, then run wild.
Babydolls/nightgowns aren't as high on my list as corsets but nevertheless I made sure the missus owned a few for the occasion one of us would feel the need for it. Most babydolls are made of mostly see-through material so you forget the whole concept of mystery I built so hard to built up over the last few paragraphs. I look at it as more of a surprise before bed. Imagine you're getting ready to hit the hay and instead of coming out in her pj's and her bathrobe, your partner comes out wearing something almost completely see through over her body accompanied by a small thong. I'd call that a very nice surprise. She could come out in a corset yes but that would require more preparation (especially if it's a ribbon-tie). With the babydoll she just slide into it and is ready to go. I also see the babydoll as more of a romantic end to a night as compared to the corset. It could be something molded by Hollywood but after a romantic dinner and evening, you can easily imagine your lady slipping into one of these for you for a little romance and to "make love", as opposed to the corset which she would put on to "fuck your brains out".
As with my previous update regarding toys, after the main categories we fall down to the accessories. I'll go quickly through the obvious ones like stockings, which are in my opinion almost necessary in any kit that provides the garter belt for it. This one though I'll admit I can't explain why but even since the missus put them on the first time, I haven't been able to live without them. They add that extra dash of spicy to her outfit which always gets me going.
Shoes can be a very nice addition (mostly for those without the foot fetish). There is something to be said about the anticipation that rushes through you when you hear the clicks of heels as they get closer and closer. It's something primal and instinctive that just makes me wild. More often than not if she wears the shoes to turn me on, I'll have her keep them throughout the act.
Gloves are something I've been meaning to try but haven't had a chance to but the simple idea of it is enough. I do think it works either for the very classy look, or the very trashy fishnet look, nowhere in between really so keep that in mind.
There's plenty more of accessories that can be used but the rest fall more into the costume category which will be covered later on.
I feel at this point I should stop writing as most of these are preferences rather than facts, some points end up being harder to explain (such as my theory on women with lingerie) so I will bid you adieu until next week where I might be discussing watching porn with your partner.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Quick note to those more reserved...
Here's a few things I recently got into an argument with a friend who mine who tends to settle in a much more sexually conservative frame of mind. I figured I would write this up, not for him as I don't plan on ever linking him this, but for anyone else who might read this and could possibly share some of of the same reservations.
Analingus: I can already hear both sides of the argument before getting into it
''It's sensitive muscles, chicks love it!''
versus
''But poo comes out of there!''
I fall in the first category. Analingus is something I very much enjoy giving (not receiving since I have some sort of irritable bowel). Yes I know ''Poo comes from there'' but the missus being a nurse, she inherited from very compulsive cleaning habit, meaning I trust her to be clean almost at all times.
Now of course it's always recommended to do it after a shower or bath. Little tip: take either a bath or a shower with her, you could even try it inside the shower, I guarantee she'll twist and moans in way you hadn't heard before. Once you are convinced she's hygenic, test the waters. Try it out and after a few minutes, if she's really into it, use your fingers to masterbate her. I can't speak for them but I don't think women mind double stimulation. Try to avoid using your tongue on both her anus and clit. She might be clean but some bacterias might transfer and cause infection (this applies also to fingers, don't use the same on both openings).
I know some of you might have just gotten the push you needed to try it out but some are probably still hesitant; in that case here's a very simple trick: Saran Wrap. Grab a small piece and place it over her anus before using your tongue on it. It basically acts as a condom would: sacrificing a little sensitivity, you assure you don't transfer anything nasty. Hell that's how I started, using the saran wrap, then worked my way up to doing it to her raw anytime/anywhere.
Toys: This is somewhat more common than I expected; people aren't receptive to the ideas of toys for some sort of variation on the emasculinating explanation.
''I'm the man, it should be my penis''
''I don't need toys to please her''
''I don't need help''
''But what if the toy is bigger than me, then she'll find me too small''
I subscribed to the last train of thought at first. I wasn't gifted with a member all that big and it's had it's toll on my self-esteem. So at first I made sure the missus' toys weren't any bigger. As time went on though she assured me, no matter the size, it wouldn't and couldn't replace the real thing. That put my worries to rest and she now has quite the collection (ironically, none of them are bigger than me simply because she feared they may hurt or other reasons.)
Toys will not replace you. Life isn't an episode of Sex and the City where whatever HorseFace's friend's name is swears off guys to have fun with only her jackrabbit. I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong on this but I don't expect to be wrong: Women need the real thing. That 150$ vibrator might be really nice and technologically advanced but it doesn't throb like the real thing, doesn't warm up like the real thing, doesn't pump blood through bulging veins like the real thing, and most of all, doesn't come like the real thing.
You may not NEED the help but just for fun, you could use it. No women needs to have both holes filled at once but once in a while she surely won't mind it.
You came before her but still want to finish her off? Pull out a vibrator.
You want to tease her outside? Wireless remove controller egg
She likes to have vibrations on her clit while being taken from behind? Get a Butterfly
She wants both holes filled but you're insecure with a threesome? Your manhood + a toy = her in complete ecstacy.
You have her tied up and want to tease her? Pull out anything that vibrates, or a glasswork that you made sure to cool down beforehand.
Try them, you won't regret them.
Moneyshot:
Every porn you've seen, the girl ends up with a Peter North shot to the face. Yes that can be really hot in porn but make sure your partner is okay with it. Not every girl likes it, actually most don't. But some do enjoy seeing you climax. The missus enjoys witnessing it while touching herself. Try out the waters by first coming on her stomach, (watching out for navel piercings because those can be a pain to clean out properly), then trying her chest. Lots of women to enjoy a warm orgasm on their breasts (this isn't to make women sound slutty by the way).
Most will stop there. A moneyshot to the face can be so degrading for the recipient so make sure you're not making her feel like an object when doing so.
Quick tip: If she isn't sure if she wants to try it or not, ask her if she wants to try it out in the shower. That way it can easily and quickly be washed off .
Not every girl is like porn stars and likes the bucket of semen in the face; even in the films you can see some of them don't enjoy, don't assume your girl wants the bukkake.
Roleplaying:
It's a matter of personal opinion on this one. Some just don't enjoy it. I guess my years playing D&D in high school are responsable for my enjoyment of it (and also responsable for my self-taught cunnilingus skills to try and compensate). If your partner doesn't enjoy it though, don't try to force her. You can ease her into it but don't go all out. Maybe she just enjoys wearing sexy costumes without the roleplaying. In this case you can ease her in by starting with small scenarios that don't require much roleplaying on her part:
Patient in a clinic
French maid cleaning
Fake porn interview
These aren't scenarios that require much on her part. Don't dive right away into the nurse, nun or dominatrix right away.
This sums it up pretty well. Those were the four points on which I noticed my friend was queasy and completely uncomfortable. I feel these little tips and tricks should help out at lease one person out there, which is why I started this in the first place.
Hopefully, I will be able to update this in the future. If not, well enjoy what I put down.
Analingus: I can already hear both sides of the argument before getting into it
''It's sensitive muscles, chicks love it!''
versus
''But poo comes out of there!''
I fall in the first category. Analingus is something I very much enjoy giving (not receiving since I have some sort of irritable bowel). Yes I know ''Poo comes from there'' but the missus being a nurse, she inherited from very compulsive cleaning habit, meaning I trust her to be clean almost at all times.
Now of course it's always recommended to do it after a shower or bath. Little tip: take either a bath or a shower with her, you could even try it inside the shower, I guarantee she'll twist and moans in way you hadn't heard before. Once you are convinced she's hygenic, test the waters. Try it out and after a few minutes, if she's really into it, use your fingers to masterbate her. I can't speak for them but I don't think women mind double stimulation. Try to avoid using your tongue on both her anus and clit. She might be clean but some bacterias might transfer and cause infection (this applies also to fingers, don't use the same on both openings).
I know some of you might have just gotten the push you needed to try it out but some are probably still hesitant; in that case here's a very simple trick: Saran Wrap. Grab a small piece and place it over her anus before using your tongue on it. It basically acts as a condom would: sacrificing a little sensitivity, you assure you don't transfer anything nasty. Hell that's how I started, using the saran wrap, then worked my way up to doing it to her raw anytime/anywhere.
Toys: This is somewhat more common than I expected; people aren't receptive to the ideas of toys for some sort of variation on the emasculinating explanation.
''I'm the man, it should be my penis''
''I don't need toys to please her''
''I don't need help''
''But what if the toy is bigger than me, then she'll find me too small''
I subscribed to the last train of thought at first. I wasn't gifted with a member all that big and it's had it's toll on my self-esteem. So at first I made sure the missus' toys weren't any bigger. As time went on though she assured me, no matter the size, it wouldn't and couldn't replace the real thing. That put my worries to rest and she now has quite the collection (ironically, none of them are bigger than me simply because she feared they may hurt or other reasons.)
Toys will not replace you. Life isn't an episode of Sex and the City where whatever HorseFace's friend's name is swears off guys to have fun with only her jackrabbit. I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong on this but I don't expect to be wrong: Women need the real thing. That 150$ vibrator might be really nice and technologically advanced but it doesn't throb like the real thing, doesn't warm up like the real thing, doesn't pump blood through bulging veins like the real thing, and most of all, doesn't come like the real thing.
You may not NEED the help but just for fun, you could use it. No women needs to have both holes filled at once but once in a while she surely won't mind it.
You came before her but still want to finish her off? Pull out a vibrator.
You want to tease her outside? Wireless remove controller egg
She likes to have vibrations on her clit while being taken from behind? Get a Butterfly
She wants both holes filled but you're insecure with a threesome? Your manhood + a toy = her in complete ecstacy.
You have her tied up and want to tease her? Pull out anything that vibrates, or a glasswork that you made sure to cool down beforehand.
Try them, you won't regret them.
Moneyshot:
Every porn you've seen, the girl ends up with a Peter North shot to the face. Yes that can be really hot in porn but make sure your partner is okay with it. Not every girl likes it, actually most don't. But some do enjoy seeing you climax. The missus enjoys witnessing it while touching herself. Try out the waters by first coming on her stomach, (watching out for navel piercings because those can be a pain to clean out properly), then trying her chest. Lots of women to enjoy a warm orgasm on their breasts (this isn't to make women sound slutty by the way).
Most will stop there. A moneyshot to the face can be so degrading for the recipient so make sure you're not making her feel like an object when doing so.
Quick tip: If she isn't sure if she wants to try it or not, ask her if she wants to try it out in the shower. That way it can easily and quickly be washed off .
Not every girl is like porn stars and likes the bucket of semen in the face; even in the films you can see some of them don't enjoy, don't assume your girl wants the bukkake.
Roleplaying:
It's a matter of personal opinion on this one. Some just don't enjoy it. I guess my years playing D&D in high school are responsable for my enjoyment of it (and also responsable for my self-taught cunnilingus skills to try and compensate). If your partner doesn't enjoy it though, don't try to force her. You can ease her into it but don't go all out. Maybe she just enjoys wearing sexy costumes without the roleplaying. In this case you can ease her in by starting with small scenarios that don't require much roleplaying on her part:
Patient in a clinic
French maid cleaning
Fake porn interview
These aren't scenarios that require much on her part. Don't dive right away into the nurse, nun or dominatrix right away.
This sums it up pretty well. Those were the four points on which I noticed my friend was queasy and completely uncomfortable. I feel these little tips and tricks should help out at lease one person out there, which is why I started this in the first place.
Hopefully, I will be able to update this in the future. If not, well enjoy what I put down.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tie you up all nice
I know I said I would write down my thoughts on the Butterfly but I figured I would keep the good ones for further down the road. At the same time, a little more experience with it wouldn't hurt. The missus strapping it on and bending on all four for me to slide behind is something I can never have ''enough experience with''. I shouldn't say anything else about it though, I don't want to give away all the punchlines, nor do I want to go off on some day dreaming tangent, especially since I'm writing this review from work; a workplace which has nothing to do with screaming orgasms, vibrating strap-on toys, or bondage.
Bondage you say?
Why yes little Billy, I said bondage.
But sir, I don't have any experience with such a thing! Can I jump right away into japanese rope bondage?
Now now Billy, you should probably work your way gradually! And where did you hear about japanese rope bondage?
Boys at school keep talking about it, they say it's swell!
We don't want to launch you straight away into the world of bondage without proper initiation now do we? Of course not! That's why they created the Under-The-Bed Bondage Kit.
The uner the who what now kit?
The Under-the-Bed Bondage kit! It's a strap sets which settles under your mattress and comes out towards the four corners to provide for adjustable support on any size bed!
Gee Willickers Mister! That means it could fit my single racecar bed?
It sure could! It could even fit your mother's king size bed. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I saw one earlier!
That's jolly-fine mister! So how does it work?
It's easy, even you could work it. All you have to do is wrap these soft padded cuffs to your little Suzie's wrists and ankles with the velcro straps. Then you pass the metal hoops through the hooks on each of the four straps and before you know it, little Suzie can't move and is completely at your mercy.
At my mercy? So what do I do then mister?
Well Billy, that's entirely up to you from there. You have a several positions you can tie her in, that leaves a whole world of possibilities.
Well mister, I don't know much about them sorts of things, could you help me figure out all sorts of things cool cats would do? I'd sure love to impress little Suzie if she she up all ginned up.
Well alright, here's a few things to do: You can ask little Suzie to lay on her back while you hook the cuffs. Then you pull on the strap to tighten everything and before you know it, her arms are immobile above her head, and her legs are spread for you to go ape in. You could show her you can do more than ask a whole lot a questions to a stranger with that mouth, or you could show her why little Billy is an ironic nickname for you. Either way, little Suzie will be screaming louder than at a Elvis Concert.
Wow mister, louder than Elvis?
Why sure! Or how about this; have little suzie get on all four, you know, like neighbor Winston's dog when he stares at cars.
That silly dog.
When she's all tied up what do you want to do? You could show her a good time from behind, or even have your tongue dolly up both her didjery-doo-holes.
But mister, what if I'd like little Suzie to work on my didjery-doo?
Then Billy, tie her up in the same fashion, but towards you. That way she'll be at just the right height to work on that great big lollipop she likes so much.
I do enjoy her working up the old cotton candy. But mister, do you think it's okay to give her the old rough up while she's all tied up?
Whoa there Billy, we don't want a case of domestic abuse. You have to work that out with little suzie before you start. Let her know you plan to punish her like a teacher who noticed she didn't do her homework. I'm sure she'll let you give her the old slappy with the ruler.
Boy Mister, this all sounds like fun. And you sound like one of them Teevee stars since you know so much about it!
Well Billy, that's because I've used it quite a few times. Here's a little secret Billy; I've done everything I suggested. The missus loves a good ole rough-up while tied up, it's all part of a little role play domination game. I love to tie her up and go to town on her with my tongue, she sure enjoys it too. It's a great accessory and should be part of any bedroom accessory selection.
Wow mister, you sure are right! Anything else I should think about doing to little Suzie? She's supposed to come over this afternoon for some cookies, a tall glass of lemonade and we're supposed to go down to the pond to throw rocks and see how many times they slip!
Hmmm I don't want to spoil your fun of discovering everything Billy but here's a little thing you might want to try. Have her on her back and go run to the freezer, grab one of them ice cubes from the tray.
But aren't those really cold?
They sure are, but that's exactly why you want them. You're going to rub it against all the parts of her that you saw in that Magazine Timmy showed you in the shed last week. She'll be throwing up a ruckus in no time!
Thanks a lot mister! I sure learned a lot today, I can't wait for little Suzie to get here!
Go on little Billy! And tell your mother I said thanks for a jolly time!
Well that was fun, little Billy sure learned a lot about an awesome piece of equipment. It's a great tool to introduce anyone to bondage and will have the missus moaning and tossing for more in a jiffy. I'd highly recommend it for anyone who wants to try a little more than handcuffs and want to experience the feeling of being completely at someone else's mercy, without going for the leather gimp suit, japanese rope bondage, and complete domination experience.
Bondage you say?
Why yes little Billy, I said bondage.
But sir, I don't have any experience with such a thing! Can I jump right away into japanese rope bondage?
Now now Billy, you should probably work your way gradually! And where did you hear about japanese rope bondage?
Boys at school keep talking about it, they say it's swell!
We don't want to launch you straight away into the world of bondage without proper initiation now do we? Of course not! That's why they created the Under-The-Bed Bondage Kit.
The uner the who what now kit?
The Under-the-Bed Bondage kit! It's a strap sets which settles under your mattress and comes out towards the four corners to provide for adjustable support on any size bed!
Gee Willickers Mister! That means it could fit my single racecar bed?
It sure could! It could even fit your mother's king size bed. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I saw one earlier!
That's jolly-fine mister! So how does it work?
It's easy, even you could work it. All you have to do is wrap these soft padded cuffs to your little Suzie's wrists and ankles with the velcro straps. Then you pass the metal hoops through the hooks on each of the four straps and before you know it, little Suzie can't move and is completely at your mercy.
At my mercy? So what do I do then mister?
Well Billy, that's entirely up to you from there. You have a several positions you can tie her in, that leaves a whole world of possibilities.
Well mister, I don't know much about them sorts of things, could you help me figure out all sorts of things cool cats would do? I'd sure love to impress little Suzie if she she up all ginned up.
Well alright, here's a few things to do: You can ask little Suzie to lay on her back while you hook the cuffs. Then you pull on the strap to tighten everything and before you know it, her arms are immobile above her head, and her legs are spread for you to go ape in. You could show her you can do more than ask a whole lot a questions to a stranger with that mouth, or you could show her why little Billy is an ironic nickname for you. Either way, little Suzie will be screaming louder than at a Elvis Concert.
Wow mister, louder than Elvis?
Why sure! Or how about this; have little suzie get on all four, you know, like neighbor Winston's dog when he stares at cars.
That silly dog.
When she's all tied up what do you want to do? You could show her a good time from behind, or even have your tongue dolly up both her didjery-doo-holes.
But mister, what if I'd like little Suzie to work on my didjery-doo?
Then Billy, tie her up in the same fashion, but towards you. That way she'll be at just the right height to work on that great big lollipop she likes so much.
I do enjoy her working up the old cotton candy. But mister, do you think it's okay to give her the old rough up while she's all tied up?
Whoa there Billy, we don't want a case of domestic abuse. You have to work that out with little suzie before you start. Let her know you plan to punish her like a teacher who noticed she didn't do her homework. I'm sure she'll let you give her the old slappy with the ruler.
Boy Mister, this all sounds like fun. And you sound like one of them Teevee stars since you know so much about it!
Well Billy, that's because I've used it quite a few times. Here's a little secret Billy; I've done everything I suggested. The missus loves a good ole rough-up while tied up, it's all part of a little role play domination game. I love to tie her up and go to town on her with my tongue, she sure enjoys it too. It's a great accessory and should be part of any bedroom accessory selection.
Wow mister, you sure are right! Anything else I should think about doing to little Suzie? She's supposed to come over this afternoon for some cookies, a tall glass of lemonade and we're supposed to go down to the pond to throw rocks and see how many times they slip!
Hmmm I don't want to spoil your fun of discovering everything Billy but here's a little thing you might want to try. Have her on her back and go run to the freezer, grab one of them ice cubes from the tray.
But aren't those really cold?
They sure are, but that's exactly why you want them. You're going to rub it against all the parts of her that you saw in that Magazine Timmy showed you in the shed last week. She'll be throwing up a ruckus in no time!
Thanks a lot mister! I sure learned a lot today, I can't wait for little Suzie to get here!
Go on little Billy! And tell your mother I said thanks for a jolly time!
Well that was fun, little Billy sure learned a lot about an awesome piece of equipment. It's a great tool to introduce anyone to bondage and will have the missus moaning and tossing for more in a jiffy. I'd highly recommend it for anyone who wants to try a little more than handcuffs and want to experience the feeling of being completely at someone else's mercy, without going for the leather gimp suit, japanese rope bondage, and complete domination experience.
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