As you've probably noticed, you; my single reader, that I haven't updated in a week or two. It's a combination or time restraints with midterms but also that for the moment, I've touched upon the subjects I wanted to.
I won't be updating every Thursday anymore (unless I get a sudden wind of both genius and time), and I'll start updating when I have something to say. This means I'll probably be updating mostly with product reviews.
Here are some you products you can expect reviews of in the future:
-Low temp Burning passion candles
-Shower handles
-P3 power balls
-Nipplettes nipple vibrating clamps
-Menage a trois for two strap on
and more including g-spot vibrators, glass dildos, male masturbators and bondage accessory.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Love as I find...
Over the years the missus has built up not only an impressive toy collection but quite the lingerie catalog as well. As such, it's become increasingly more difficult to surprise her with a new piece or kit. The same is said of her if she desires to buy herself something nice. She does know what she wants and enjoys having it exactly as she imagined it. For some time she contemplated an item but it wasn't quite right.
The bed was too soft,
the porridge was too warm.
And that's where Love as I find came in to make the bed and the porridge...just perfect.
I originally made contact with her though a forum in which she introduced herself as a seamstress and in my time of need, I did not hesitate to contact her with my nitty gritty specifications.
I have to say the entire experience was amazing. From the customer service to the end product, I have nothing bad to say at all so the following might sound like I'm blowing smoke up her ass but believe me, she earned that smoke.
The process:
The greatest thing about it is that she kept me updated on everything. She drew up sketches that I approved, then went shopping for materials. When I looked at the samples she sent I was able to choose the exact ones I wanted. She then redid the sketches but adding the textile on it for me to get an even better idea of the product. She then went to work, updating me frequently on the progress as well as consulting for questions regarding small details (seams, color of the border, size of those special little requested details).
The Final Product:
That exceeded all my expectations. I ordered three pieces and all of them are simply perfect. It was such an awesome feeling to see what I had imagined come to fruition (I doubt she can work up that VW van full of cheerleaders I imagined though). The pieces have that quality of a major manufacturer yet have the finesse of a seamstress. You look at them and you think to yourself it had to have been made by a machine, it's too nice, but then I remember it was made to my specifications and the details show it all too well.
The Shipping:
I had to highlight this as this was the chocolate covered cherry with sprinkles on it...on top of an already giant chocolate sauce/caramel covered sundae. First of all, she is located in the UK and I'm in Canada. Already I was expecting quite a long wait but 4 business days was all it took. Turns out as there are strikes and problems with Royal Mail, she paid a little extra to have it delivered to me on time. I greatly appreciated that. Then it came in. The package itself was more properly wrapped than any Christmas present I ever gave the missus. Each piece individually wrapped in purple (she previously asked me what color combinations would be best) tissue paper with a great big bow on it. Each came with a handmade tag with her logo. The box also contained a letter with her card, a small letter with thanks and instructions, as well as the original sketches for us to keep. Now that my friend, is how you ship a package.
I can't thank her enough nor can I recommend her enough. You got an idea you've been meaning to have made? Now's the time baby.
Get to it: http://loveasifind.webs.com/
The bed was too soft,
the porridge was too warm.
And that's where Love as I find came in to make the bed and the porridge...just perfect.
I originally made contact with her though a forum in which she introduced herself as a seamstress and in my time of need, I did not hesitate to contact her with my nitty gritty specifications.
I have to say the entire experience was amazing. From the customer service to the end product, I have nothing bad to say at all so the following might sound like I'm blowing smoke up her ass but believe me, she earned that smoke.
The process:
The greatest thing about it is that she kept me updated on everything. She drew up sketches that I approved, then went shopping for materials. When I looked at the samples she sent I was able to choose the exact ones I wanted. She then redid the sketches but adding the textile on it for me to get an even better idea of the product. She then went to work, updating me frequently on the progress as well as consulting for questions regarding small details (seams, color of the border, size of those special little requested details).
The Final Product:
That exceeded all my expectations. I ordered three pieces and all of them are simply perfect. It was such an awesome feeling to see what I had imagined come to fruition (I doubt she can work up that VW van full of cheerleaders I imagined though). The pieces have that quality of a major manufacturer yet have the finesse of a seamstress. You look at them and you think to yourself it had to have been made by a machine, it's too nice, but then I remember it was made to my specifications and the details show it all too well.
The Shipping:
I had to highlight this as this was the chocolate covered cherry with sprinkles on it...on top of an already giant chocolate sauce/caramel covered sundae. First of all, she is located in the UK and I'm in Canada. Already I was expecting quite a long wait but 4 business days was all it took. Turns out as there are strikes and problems with Royal Mail, she paid a little extra to have it delivered to me on time. I greatly appreciated that. Then it came in. The package itself was more properly wrapped than any Christmas present I ever gave the missus. Each piece individually wrapped in purple (she previously asked me what color combinations would be best) tissue paper with a great big bow on it. Each came with a handmade tag with her logo. The box also contained a letter with her card, a small letter with thanks and instructions, as well as the original sketches for us to keep. Now that my friend, is how you ship a package.
I can't thank her enough nor can I recommend her enough. You got an idea you've been meaning to have made? Now's the time baby.
Get to it: http://loveasifind.webs.com/
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Lube backwards is Ebul...
I'd like to start off by announcing the first winner of our Porn Giveaway...
Drum roll please? ...no? fuck...
Anyway congrats Sergio, I'll be shipping your dvd's away today or tomorrow.
And now onto today's topic which, unless you're illiterate....which come to think of it would mean you can't read this either, you have probably guessed is lubricant. After being recommended a few different brands I've collected my findings (read: opinion) on the three of them. Here's what I found
Adam & Eve Lubricant:
The home brand from our favourite adult store! This one I have to say is a pretty big bottle especially for the price. I'm used to spending more than that for a container half that size.
In terms of using a lubricant for a toy such as the head honcho, this was an okay one. It's ranked high on the "slippery" factor if you will but depending on the intensity you will probably have to reapply at some point as it dissipates quickly. Now granted this problem won't be as apparent during a sexual experience with a woman as her natural lubrication will likely kick in. Unfortunately for male toy uses, it fell through. Overall, good for sex, decent for toys.
It's a water based lube so it will wash off easily with just regular water. What won't wash off with just water is the odd fruity smell that comes with it. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I found it a little gross. The hand I would use to apply it would keep this strong ...cherry? scent until a heavy soap-induced clean up. It's not that bad a drawback but for some like me with quite the nose, it was a tad annoying.
Pjur bodyglide:
Pjur was recommended to me by a friend who said once I tried it I would never go back to anything else. Well I'll have to disagree.
This is a silicone-based lube as such it doesn't wash off simply under water. This makes it great for underwater play. Both for toys and for intercourse this lube makes water sex that much easier. Yes it does mean it's a tad harder to wash off but nothing a little soap won't remove. This really shouldn't be an issue if water-sex was your intention in the first place.
Now this lubricant is the great white shark of lubes. It is the best in the water...but useless on dry land. On things like the Head Honcho it falls flat. It did little more than what baby oil would do. I don't recommend it for any other purpose than the one I previously established.
System Jo:
System JO's slogan is "meet your new best friend"...boy was it ever right. I originally tried the Women's lube as it was the one the missus had. I was quite please with the results.
As "slippery" than the AdamEve brand yet didn't require reapplication after a while. There was no smell to it either. Of course it wasn't created for shower/bathtub play since it's a water-based lube but this means it washes off easily.
This was tested with the head honcho masturbator, during vaginal intercourse, toy play and, unlike the other toys, tested successfully with anal play in which it was still quite good. I was actually quite surprised by this little one especially since it said "for women" on this bottle (although I link the bi-gender one in this post).
All in all the three of them are good products no doubt. The adameve one I recommend for quickies, the Pjur will go great underwater and the System Jo is the all around one.
Enjoy!
Drum roll please? ...no? fuck...
Anyway congrats Sergio, I'll be shipping your dvd's away today or tomorrow.
And now onto today's topic which, unless you're illiterate....which come to think of it would mean you can't read this either, you have probably guessed is lubricant. After being recommended a few different brands I've collected my findings (read: opinion) on the three of them. Here's what I found
Adam & Eve Lubricant:
The home brand from our favourite adult store! This one I have to say is a pretty big bottle especially for the price. I'm used to spending more than that for a container half that size.
In terms of using a lubricant for a toy such as the head honcho, this was an okay one. It's ranked high on the "slippery" factor if you will but depending on the intensity you will probably have to reapply at some point as it dissipates quickly. Now granted this problem won't be as apparent during a sexual experience with a woman as her natural lubrication will likely kick in. Unfortunately for male toy uses, it fell through. Overall, good for sex, decent for toys.
It's a water based lube so it will wash off easily with just regular water. What won't wash off with just water is the odd fruity smell that comes with it. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I found it a little gross. The hand I would use to apply it would keep this strong ...cherry? scent until a heavy soap-induced clean up. It's not that bad a drawback but for some like me with quite the nose, it was a tad annoying.
Pjur bodyglide:
Pjur was recommended to me by a friend who said once I tried it I would never go back to anything else. Well I'll have to disagree.
This is a silicone-based lube as such it doesn't wash off simply under water. This makes it great for underwater play. Both for toys and for intercourse this lube makes water sex that much easier. Yes it does mean it's a tad harder to wash off but nothing a little soap won't remove. This really shouldn't be an issue if water-sex was your intention in the first place.
Now this lubricant is the great white shark of lubes. It is the best in the water...but useless on dry land. On things like the Head Honcho it falls flat. It did little more than what baby oil would do. I don't recommend it for any other purpose than the one I previously established.
System Jo:
System JO's slogan is "meet your new best friend"...boy was it ever right. I originally tried the Women's lube as it was the one the missus had. I was quite please with the results.
As "slippery" than the AdamEve brand yet didn't require reapplication after a while. There was no smell to it either. Of course it wasn't created for shower/bathtub play since it's a water-based lube but this means it washes off easily.
This was tested with the head honcho masturbator, during vaginal intercourse, toy play and, unlike the other toys, tested successfully with anal play in which it was still quite good. I was actually quite surprised by this little one especially since it said "for women" on this bottle (although I link the bi-gender one in this post).
All in all the three of them are good products no doubt. The adameve one I recommend for quickies, the Pjur will go great underwater and the System Jo is the all around one.
Enjoy!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Triple the luxe, triple the fun
After a few weeks without them, we are now back to toy recommendations for her. This is a little something I heard of on the Let's Get Naughty a few months ago and after the stellar review, I just had to take a closer look at it. I give you, the Triple Luxe Vibrator.
Alright so obviously you can see there's three tools in one. The top one is shaped oddly like a thumb with soft nubs on the pad of it to massage the clitoris. The toy being made of plastic you might be worried about a hard object hitting such a sensitive spot but the separation at the bottom of the "thumb" is actually gel which makes the nubs smooth and bendy. Unlike a lot of gel toys, this one doesn't smell like gel. In fact it doesn't smell like anything which is a good thing considering how intense some other toy smells can be. The speed and intensity of it is a really nice balance. You're not getting your socks rocked like with a power rocket but it's certainly no slouch either. I like to think it's the best medium between too fast and too slow. Of course the speed of it all is still at your control with the small spherical button on the back of it (You can somewhat see it on the picture, it's half an inch before the gel line on the back of the toy) which toggles between three different speeds.
Move down ladies and gentlemen, Lord help me I'm starting to sound like a guided tour of a museum, to the vaginal stimulator. Unlike most vibrators it's not one which you slide in and out of yourself to simulate penetration. The bulbous shape of it allows the toy, and therefore the vibrations, to hit the g-spot. Now granted, me being a male, I haven't been able to test this theory but I've been informed of the perfection of the shape as to perform it's duties from a third party, eager to try it. At the same time, since the whole toy vibrates, it will still provide a little vibrating stimulation to the outer lips.
Exhibit C, uh oh we just went from a museum to a courtroom, is a small nub designed for anal pleasure. Yes I've already heard the "but it's much too tiny for my ass!". Keep in mind, as I said for the vaginal bulb, it's not a toy made for penetration. Not to sound crude or anything but you shove it in and only move it around slightly to adjust the angle. The anal nub is then perfect to stimulate the anus. It only vibrates on the small ring of muscles. It just gives that extra little bit of sensation to a third area of your body.
Take each part of it separately and you have regular vibrators and toys but mix all three in one and you have one hell of a night waiting for you. If you care about moaning loud enough to piss off the neighbors then you owe it to yourself to get one of these. Guys, little bit of advice, nothing stopping you from using it on her during your refractory period to keep her nicely warmed up until you're good to go again.
So do yourself a favor, get one and when the neighbours complain, link them to this blog.
Alright so obviously you can see there's three tools in one. The top one is shaped oddly like a thumb with soft nubs on the pad of it to massage the clitoris. The toy being made of plastic you might be worried about a hard object hitting such a sensitive spot but the separation at the bottom of the "thumb" is actually gel which makes the nubs smooth and bendy. Unlike a lot of gel toys, this one doesn't smell like gel. In fact it doesn't smell like anything which is a good thing considering how intense some other toy smells can be. The speed and intensity of it is a really nice balance. You're not getting your socks rocked like with a power rocket but it's certainly no slouch either. I like to think it's the best medium between too fast and too slow. Of course the speed of it all is still at your control with the small spherical button on the back of it (You can somewhat see it on the picture, it's half an inch before the gel line on the back of the toy) which toggles between three different speeds.
Move down ladies and gentlemen, Lord help me I'm starting to sound like a guided tour of a museum, to the vaginal stimulator. Unlike most vibrators it's not one which you slide in and out of yourself to simulate penetration. The bulbous shape of it allows the toy, and therefore the vibrations, to hit the g-spot. Now granted, me being a male, I haven't been able to test this theory but I've been informed of the perfection of the shape as to perform it's duties from a third party, eager to try it. At the same time, since the whole toy vibrates, it will still provide a little vibrating stimulation to the outer lips.
Exhibit C, uh oh we just went from a museum to a courtroom, is a small nub designed for anal pleasure. Yes I've already heard the "but it's much too tiny for my ass!". Keep in mind, as I said for the vaginal bulb, it's not a toy made for penetration. Not to sound crude or anything but you shove it in and only move it around slightly to adjust the angle. The anal nub is then perfect to stimulate the anus. It only vibrates on the small ring of muscles. It just gives that extra little bit of sensation to a third area of your body.
Take each part of it separately and you have regular vibrators and toys but mix all three in one and you have one hell of a night waiting for you. If you care about moaning loud enough to piss off the neighbors then you owe it to yourself to get one of these. Guys, little bit of advice, nothing stopping you from using it on her during your refractory period to keep her nicely warmed up until you're good to go again.
So do yourself a favor, get one and when the neighbours complain, link them to this blog.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Help! They coming to Rape me!
Let me start off by apologizing for the lack of update these few weeks, blah blah blah shit happened.
I'll try to make up for it, just read until the end of the post to see how.
Onto this week's topic: rape! Yup, you read that read that right. It's something I've been meaning to talk about since the updates I did a while back regarding roleplay. As you probably guessed, I'm not talking about actual rape but roleplay-rape. Studies have shown it's one of the more popular fetishes in women. Before you send me a big great email to tell me I'm a mysoginist pig (though if you want to, my email is pervadvice@gmail.com), look up a bit of info on the topic, you'll see I'm not just saying women want to get raped.
I can't claim to understand the fetish completely but from what I've been told, it's the danger factor as well as the complete loss of control. So how would you go about doing that? Well, doing that without the whole free trip to jail. That's where rape fantasy roleplay comes in.
I'm just going to describe a simple, quick way to work it out with your partner, I would ask you not to take this is law. I don't claim this works on everyone, nor do I claim this is the only way to do it. It's only one idea. As I write from my own point of view, this will be addressed to the males but the content applies to everybody and could very well apply to a male being "raped".
Your very first step, before you do ANYTHING ELSE, will be to talk to your partner about it. I said it was one of the more popular fantasies, but that doesn't mean everyone shares it. You're going to have to establish a few very important items.
-How far are you allowed to take it? Some might prefer a lighter version, which includes you simply coming in at a random time and grabbing her in her own home. Maybe she wants you to go all out; show up at her office dressed in a hoodie and take advantage of her without any of her coworkers realizing it (quick note: this doesn't work very well in a cubicle environment). She should let you know just how far into the fantasy is her breaking point. I understand the whole point of it all is for her to lose control but you just don't want to have to deal with police intervention or have her be "scared" of you because she's witnessed a side of you she didn't know existed. This also extends to how rough you should go. Is she into being choked? (I am referring just to pressure around the throat, I'm not talking about erotic asphyxiation which I do not condone in any way shape or form) Is she into getting slapped? Pushed harshly against a wall? Figure that out first.
-Time Frame. Rape is never planned. Well it is but not for the rapee. I've watched a whole lot of CSI and I've never seen a victim's day planner which read
"12:00 lunch with execs
13:00 pick up dry cleaner
14:00 get raped
14:10 Conference call with HR"
Now again, she's not supposed to expect it so when you set up a time frame, try to be very loose with it. Try to set up something like a 5 day period in which, at any time, things could go down. Now you'll want of course to ber very familiar with her schedule during that period to properly plan but the idea is for her to not be waiting for it. If you give her a certain day, she'll be expecting it all day and it won't be as much of a surprise. If you wait a few days though, her guard drops and when she doesn't expect it, she gets snagged from behind, put up against a wall and fucked against her will.
In my case my best bet would be at her place since I have a key, wait for her to come home from work and pounce sometime after dinner.
-Safe word. The concept is simple enough so I don't have to explain it but you never know, maybe she had a hell of a day at work. Maybe she's feeling sick or just "blah". I understand it's supposed to rid her of control and force her against her will, but you might want to hold off on one scenario to avoid a dry spell because she's pissed off.
I think that encompasses everything for now. I think I gave out enough info as well as enough small disclaimers to cover my back and the back of anyone I've ever rap-...made love to!
PORN GIVEAWAY
Now that I have your attention, I'm giving away porn!
I've purchased quite a lot from AdamEve these recent months and using these awesome promo codes gives you some Porn dvd's with your order. So now I have 9 dvd's (3 sets of 3) to give out. I had organized the contest a while back but I'm dropping it as most people preferred not to have their story put out in public.
So just send me your name to pervadvice@gmail.com and tell me why you want it.
Simple enough no?
I'll try to make up for it, just read until the end of the post to see how.
Onto this week's topic: rape! Yup, you read that read that right. It's something I've been meaning to talk about since the updates I did a while back regarding roleplay. As you probably guessed, I'm not talking about actual rape but roleplay-rape. Studies have shown it's one of the more popular fetishes in women. Before you send me a big great email to tell me I'm a mysoginist pig (though if you want to, my email is pervadvice@gmail.com), look up a bit of info on the topic, you'll see I'm not just saying women want to get raped.
I can't claim to understand the fetish completely but from what I've been told, it's the danger factor as well as the complete loss of control. So how would you go about doing that? Well, doing that without the whole free trip to jail. That's where rape fantasy roleplay comes in.
I'm just going to describe a simple, quick way to work it out with your partner, I would ask you not to take this is law. I don't claim this works on everyone, nor do I claim this is the only way to do it. It's only one idea. As I write from my own point of view, this will be addressed to the males but the content applies to everybody and could very well apply to a male being "raped".
Your very first step, before you do ANYTHING ELSE, will be to talk to your partner about it. I said it was one of the more popular fantasies, but that doesn't mean everyone shares it. You're going to have to establish a few very important items.
-How far are you allowed to take it? Some might prefer a lighter version, which includes you simply coming in at a random time and grabbing her in her own home. Maybe she wants you to go all out; show up at her office dressed in a hoodie and take advantage of her without any of her coworkers realizing it (quick note: this doesn't work very well in a cubicle environment). She should let you know just how far into the fantasy is her breaking point. I understand the whole point of it all is for her to lose control but you just don't want to have to deal with police intervention or have her be "scared" of you because she's witnessed a side of you she didn't know existed. This also extends to how rough you should go. Is she into being choked? (I am referring just to pressure around the throat, I'm not talking about erotic asphyxiation which I do not condone in any way shape or form) Is she into getting slapped? Pushed harshly against a wall? Figure that out first.
-Time Frame. Rape is never planned. Well it is but not for the rapee. I've watched a whole lot of CSI and I've never seen a victim's day planner which read
"12:00 lunch with execs
13:00 pick up dry cleaner
14:00 get raped
14:10 Conference call with HR"
Now again, she's not supposed to expect it so when you set up a time frame, try to be very loose with it. Try to set up something like a 5 day period in which, at any time, things could go down. Now you'll want of course to ber very familiar with her schedule during that period to properly plan but the idea is for her to not be waiting for it. If you give her a certain day, she'll be expecting it all day and it won't be as much of a surprise. If you wait a few days though, her guard drops and when she doesn't expect it, she gets snagged from behind, put up against a wall and fucked against her will.
In my case my best bet would be at her place since I have a key, wait for her to come home from work and pounce sometime after dinner.
-Safe word. The concept is simple enough so I don't have to explain it but you never know, maybe she had a hell of a day at work. Maybe she's feeling sick or just "blah". I understand it's supposed to rid her of control and force her against her will, but you might want to hold off on one scenario to avoid a dry spell because she's pissed off.
I think that encompasses everything for now. I think I gave out enough info as well as enough small disclaimers to cover my back and the back of anyone I've ever rap-...made love to!
PORN GIVEAWAY
Now that I have your attention, I'm giving away porn!
I've purchased quite a lot from AdamEve these recent months and using these awesome promo codes gives you some Porn dvd's with your order. So now I have 9 dvd's (3 sets of 3) to give out. I had organized the contest a while back but I'm dropping it as most people preferred not to have their story put out in public.
So just send me your name to pervadvice@gmail.com and tell me why you want it.
Simple enough no?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
One more...well maybe not.
Two weeks ago I reviewed the Super Head Honcho Masturbator and gave it two thumbs up. A few days later, I received another package from Adameve and it contained this:
The
Blonde Fantasy Masturbator. Thank you Adameve for giving me another week's update! A few people have asked for more reviews of male toys so this fits perfectly with their requests. This will be a short review as I've already highlighted some of the major notes about male masturbators but here goes.
Unfortunately after using the Super Head Honcho, this will become a comparison of the two; and this Blonde Fantasy falls short of pretty much every facet.
The first thing I noticed with this is how small the hole is. Now I'm not someone well endowed, not at all, but even I had difficulty penetrating it. It required a lot of lube. A lot more than the Head Honcho. I also had to restrain the speed and intensity because if I were to slip out, it was a pain to get back in.
Granted the small size of the hole should do for a nice tight feeling right?
It does but unfortunately the inside is kind of "boring". As opposed to suction chambers filled with small nubs, it's simply ripples. Imagine a ribbed condom turned inside out and that's a pretty accurate description. So yes it is tighter, but the sensation is still lessened.
In terms of general size it's smaller than I expected. It's short enough in length that a normal size male might be long enough to go through it and exit out the back hole of it. To avoid this you'd have to of course restrain on the movement and avoid long arm movements to do the entire length of his stroke.
Now we fall down to the last point I want to address and this is honestly the biggest downfall of this product: the smell. I don't know if it was perfumed during production or some other method to make it not smell like jelly but it smells absolutely terrible. And not only does it smell terrible but the smell gets on your hands and hardly washes off. A handwash and shower after my usage of the toy, I could still smell that nasty synthetic odor on my hands. Even if the toy was longer, fitted, and had a more exciting interior, this smell would still stop me from ever using this. It's that bad.
All in all, for about twenty bucks you're much better off with the Head Honcho. Of course if you take masturbation much more seriously you can always grab a Fleshlight. If that's not enough? Grab the new furniture from Liberator designed especially for the fleshlight: the Fleshlight Motion. And if that's still not enough for you, shell out the couple of hundred bucks and get yourself a Real Touch.
Ps. Don't forget to send in your email to win a free porn dvd. If you prefer to just send your name and email, be my guest. Just send to pervadvice@gmail.com
The
Blonde Fantasy Masturbator. Thank you Adameve for giving me another week's update! A few people have asked for more reviews of male toys so this fits perfectly with their requests. This will be a short review as I've already highlighted some of the major notes about male masturbators but here goes.
Unfortunately after using the Super Head Honcho, this will become a comparison of the two; and this Blonde Fantasy falls short of pretty much every facet.
The first thing I noticed with this is how small the hole is. Now I'm not someone well endowed, not at all, but even I had difficulty penetrating it. It required a lot of lube. A lot more than the Head Honcho. I also had to restrain the speed and intensity because if I were to slip out, it was a pain to get back in.
Granted the small size of the hole should do for a nice tight feeling right?
It does but unfortunately the inside is kind of "boring". As opposed to suction chambers filled with small nubs, it's simply ripples. Imagine a ribbed condom turned inside out and that's a pretty accurate description. So yes it is tighter, but the sensation is still lessened.
In terms of general size it's smaller than I expected. It's short enough in length that a normal size male might be long enough to go through it and exit out the back hole of it. To avoid this you'd have to of course restrain on the movement and avoid long arm movements to do the entire length of his stroke.
Now we fall down to the last point I want to address and this is honestly the biggest downfall of this product: the smell. I don't know if it was perfumed during production or some other method to make it not smell like jelly but it smells absolutely terrible. And not only does it smell terrible but the smell gets on your hands and hardly washes off. A handwash and shower after my usage of the toy, I could still smell that nasty synthetic odor on my hands. Even if the toy was longer, fitted, and had a more exciting interior, this smell would still stop me from ever using this. It's that bad.
All in all, for about twenty bucks you're much better off with the Head Honcho. Of course if you take masturbation much more seriously you can always grab a Fleshlight. If that's not enough? Grab the new furniture from Liberator designed especially for the fleshlight: the Fleshlight Motion. And if that's still not enough for you, shell out the couple of hundred bucks and get yourself a Real Touch.
Ps. Don't forget to send in your email to win a free porn dvd. If you prefer to just send your name and email, be my guest. Just send to pervadvice@gmail.com
Thursday, September 3, 2009
You have learned much young grasshopper...
I've been writing for a few months now and I've addressed most large topics I wanted. I'd like to think I made a small difference somewhere in one of my readers' bedroom. I figured I'd check in with some of you.
Thanks to several recent purchases from AdamEve I have a few porn movies to give away. I know you can find porn for free on the internet but I'm giving these out, do you need a better reason?
I'm not giving these out to just anybody though. I'm going to run a little contest.
Send me an email describing something from all previous posts that you managed to include in your sex life. Be it a toy, technique, lingerie, anything. You don't have to be graphic about it if you don't want to. It doesn't even have to be long. Just let me know if I managed to open up some options for you.
I'll take the best 3 and send them a movie, free of charge.
Yes, all in all this is just a big ego booster for myself as I try to tell myself I'm not writing in vain.
So send me whatever you'd like to PervAdvice@gmail.com
In the email please let me know if you would mind if I posted your story up on the blog and what name I should use (go ahead and use an alias if you prefer).
Thanks to several recent purchases from AdamEve I have a few porn movies to give away. I know you can find porn for free on the internet but I'm giving these out, do you need a better reason?
I'm not giving these out to just anybody though. I'm going to run a little contest.
Send me an email describing something from all previous posts that you managed to include in your sex life. Be it a toy, technique, lingerie, anything. You don't have to be graphic about it if you don't want to. It doesn't even have to be long. Just let me know if I managed to open up some options for you.
I'll take the best 3 and send them a movie, free of charge.
Yes, all in all this is just a big ego booster for myself as I try to tell myself I'm not writing in vain.
So send me whatever you'd like to PervAdvice@gmail.com
In the email please let me know if you would mind if I posted your story up on the blog and what name I should use (go ahead and use an alias if you prefer).
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Finally! A post about a toy for men
After much anticipation it has finally arrived, my latest purchase from AdamEve.com. Well my second latest purchase I should say, this came in and I soon realized I had no lube at home so had to order some so technically, the lube is my latest purchase. But I'm not writing about the lube, I'm writing about the Super Head Honcho Masterbator.
I'll start by addressing something I mentionned briefly in the past: the stigma of buying one of these. Don't worry about looking "like a loser" when you ring this up at the register at your local sex shop. It's no different than a girl buying a vibrator. The cashier isn't going to give you a condescending "you need this because you can't get a girlfriend" look. Well she won't if you don't come in dressed in a washed out anime shirt, hair that needs to be both cut and washed, and smell like a gaming convention. If you're still nervous or don't like the idea of buying it in store, use adameve. Either way, you should get one of these. As my lesbian once told me "If I had a dick, that would be the first thing I'd buy".
Now this isn't the latest feat of technology so don't expect something like the fleshlight or the RealTouch that moves by itself, dispenses lube, and changes textures while you penetrate it. But you're paying twenty-some bucks for this rather than the hundreds you'd shell out for the Fleshlight and RealTouch.
I do have a few things to mention regarding it though.
First, don't expect this to replace anything. It doesn't feel like a real pair of lips, a vagina, or even someone else's hand. It does however, provide an improvement on your own hand.
Secondly you will need lube on every use or else it will just feel like you're jerking it with a glove hand.
You should also clean it after every use. You wouldn't want it to crust inside. Cleaning is easy though, just pour some water through it and don't be afraid to turn part of it inside out to clean the suction chambers.
You will also notice a hole at the end of it, not the one between the rubber lips you're meant to penetrate. This hole was put there facilitate cleaning. Unfortunately, the easier cleaning has a few side effects. This removes the suction feeling and adds quite a bit of noise. You've got two easy solutions for this problem, either cover it with your thumb while you pump away, or put a bit of duct tape over the hole. I suggest simply covering with your thumb so you don't have to deal with semen-crusted duct tape and take it off/replace it every time you clean it. Blocking the hole will add a small suction sensation and will make the sleeve completely silent.
All in all I have to recommend this, for those without the pleasure of a steady stream of legs to open, the busy, or those with a mate that's on vacation. Forget the stigma, forget the looks from the cashier, and forget sitting on your hand to give yourself a "stranger", get yourself one of these.
The comments are true, by the way, it does magnify the insides so you look bigger.
I'll start by addressing something I mentionned briefly in the past: the stigma of buying one of these. Don't worry about looking "like a loser" when you ring this up at the register at your local sex shop. It's no different than a girl buying a vibrator. The cashier isn't going to give you a condescending "you need this because you can't get a girlfriend" look. Well she won't if you don't come in dressed in a washed out anime shirt, hair that needs to be both cut and washed, and smell like a gaming convention. If you're still nervous or don't like the idea of buying it in store, use adameve. Either way, you should get one of these. As my lesbian once told me "If I had a dick, that would be the first thing I'd buy".
Now this isn't the latest feat of technology so don't expect something like the fleshlight or the RealTouch that moves by itself, dispenses lube, and changes textures while you penetrate it. But you're paying twenty-some bucks for this rather than the hundreds you'd shell out for the Fleshlight and RealTouch.
I do have a few things to mention regarding it though.
First, don't expect this to replace anything. It doesn't feel like a real pair of lips, a vagina, or even someone else's hand. It does however, provide an improvement on your own hand.
Secondly you will need lube on every use or else it will just feel like you're jerking it with a glove hand.
You should also clean it after every use. You wouldn't want it to crust inside. Cleaning is easy though, just pour some water through it and don't be afraid to turn part of it inside out to clean the suction chambers.
You will also notice a hole at the end of it, not the one between the rubber lips you're meant to penetrate. This hole was put there facilitate cleaning. Unfortunately, the easier cleaning has a few side effects. This removes the suction feeling and adds quite a bit of noise. You've got two easy solutions for this problem, either cover it with your thumb while you pump away, or put a bit of duct tape over the hole. I suggest simply covering with your thumb so you don't have to deal with semen-crusted duct tape and take it off/replace it every time you clean it. Blocking the hole will add a small suction sensation and will make the sleeve completely silent.
All in all I have to recommend this, for those without the pleasure of a steady stream of legs to open, the busy, or those with a mate that's on vacation. Forget the stigma, forget the looks from the cashier, and forget sitting on your hand to give yourself a "stranger", get yourself one of these.
The comments are true, by the way, it does magnify the insides so you look bigger.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Interview with Trashy's Randy
Through this blog I recently came to contact Randy from of my personal favourite lingerie website Trashy. After much praise and plenty of blowing smoke up his ass, I thought it'd would be interesting to get a little more insight on how everything works there. So I sent him a little questionnaire and this is what followed:
-If you could give us a quick overview of the history of Trashy?
...Where would all of Hollywood's most beautiful women be without the help of Trashy Lingerie? Its owners, Mitchell and Tracy Shrier opened the doors to the tantalizing Tinseltown store almost 25 years ago! With only one store located on La Cienega Blvd in Los Angeles, Trashy Lingerie has worldwide name recognition for providing their rich and famous clientele with only the highest quality of lingerie and clothing. "Our Fantasy is Fulfilling Yours" is their slogan, and let me assure you that is EXACTLY what they do.
On any given day you may run into Madonna, picking up another one of her famous Bullet Corsets which Trashy specially designed for her. Or perhaps you might see Pamela Anderson Lee coming in for a fitting for another one of those super low V leather corsets like the one she wore in Barb Wire. Many of Hollywood's stars have come to learn that the "Sky's the Limit", when it comes to Trashy! You may start by looking at one of the over 8000 designs to choose from, all of which are designed by Mitch and his extraordinary design staff. Everything in the store is produced right on the premises. There are 30 seamstresses, handsewers and pattern makers, which makes it easy for them to custom fit all the very different bodies to their original designs. Dolly Parton takes advantage of this free custom tailoring to accommodate the part of her body which is well endowed!
[for the rest of the story click here]
-How much time goes into the design of a new collection?
It depends on what we're working on.Lingerie we find either a fabric or a trim that we'll design the collection around. It usually takes a few week for us to come up with the 20 to 50 garments that will make up a line. This includes patterns to first samples.
-I don't know how deep you are involved into the design process but where does the inspiration for things such as the Masochist or Marie Antoinnette collections come from?
We give our designers a great deal of freedom to do what they feel. We do not put restriction on them. Most of the industry designs for the retailer,meaning they need to be below a certain price point. Where we are the absolute opposite. We make garment how it should be made and if it come out at XXX price it that price. This is one of the main reasons why Trashy is Trashy!
-Not every piece at Trashy is an original creation, how do you go about selecting what you distribute from other makers?
Most other manufactures I carry are friends of mine so I just carry their whole line. It's a way for me to help them get rid of inventory and get great prices for my customers. Since most of them are a short drive from me a mile or two we can sell much cheaper than anyone because we're not having to pay shipping which is passed on too the customer at a lower price point.
-How did the concept of the Trashy Girls start?
[If you're unaware of what trashy girls are, check here]
It was a fluke to tell the truth. About 8 years ago the Hard Rock in Vegas call asking if we could open a temporary store in their casino for a high rollers weekend party event. So we loaded up 5 ton truck and went out and have a good experience. We did it a few more times but it was a lot of work to day the least. So my wife said to the management what they really wanted was the vibe and brand plus the girls we brought to run the store and walk around to model. So scratch the store and pay us to bring the girls. So the rest is history.
-My readers would like to know if you get celebrities coming into the store and what kind of gear they would leave with?
Well most of the time it's for on screen so they have no say so or what they feel comfortable in just depending on the costumer. Now when they come in for their selfs it different,depends on the person. Some are big fans of our panties, others bras or polar fleece. There is no real general rule of what they buy. You need to keep in mind we can make anything, so the only restriction is their imagination .
If you have any follow up questions you'd like Randy to answer, email them to me and maybe he'll have time for them. In the meantime I just received my latest order from Trashy and have, once more, nothing but praise. I can't say what it is quite yet since it's a surprise for the missus but I'll post about it later on.
So do yourself a huge favor and hop on to Trashy and in the box at checkout where it asks where you heard of Trashy? Put in this blog.
Thanks for reading and thank you Randy for your time.
-If you could give us a quick overview of the history of Trashy?
...Where would all of Hollywood's most beautiful women be without the help of Trashy Lingerie? Its owners, Mitchell and Tracy Shrier opened the doors to the tantalizing Tinseltown store almost 25 years ago! With only one store located on La Cienega Blvd in Los Angeles, Trashy Lingerie has worldwide name recognition for providing their rich and famous clientele with only the highest quality of lingerie and clothing. "Our Fantasy is Fulfilling Yours" is their slogan, and let me assure you that is EXACTLY what they do.
On any given day you may run into Madonna, picking up another one of her famous Bullet Corsets which Trashy specially designed for her. Or perhaps you might see Pamela Anderson Lee coming in for a fitting for another one of those super low V leather corsets like the one she wore in Barb Wire. Many of Hollywood's stars have come to learn that the "Sky's the Limit", when it comes to Trashy! You may start by looking at one of the over 8000 designs to choose from, all of which are designed by Mitch and his extraordinary design staff. Everything in the store is produced right on the premises. There are 30 seamstresses, handsewers and pattern makers, which makes it easy for them to custom fit all the very different bodies to their original designs. Dolly Parton takes advantage of this free custom tailoring to accommodate the part of her body which is well endowed!
[for the rest of the story click here]
-How much time goes into the design of a new collection?
It depends on what we're working on.Lingerie we find either a fabric or a trim that we'll design the collection around. It usually takes a few week for us to come up with the 20 to 50 garments that will make up a line. This includes patterns to first samples.
-I don't know how deep you are involved into the design process but where does the inspiration for things such as the Masochist or Marie Antoinnette collections come from?
We give our designers a great deal of freedom to do what they feel. We do not put restriction on them. Most of the industry designs for the retailer,meaning they need to be below a certain price point. Where we are the absolute opposite. We make garment how it should be made and if it come out at XXX price it that price. This is one of the main reasons why Trashy is Trashy!
-Not every piece at Trashy is an original creation, how do you go about selecting what you distribute from other makers?
Most other manufactures I carry are friends of mine so I just carry their whole line. It's a way for me to help them get rid of inventory and get great prices for my customers. Since most of them are a short drive from me a mile or two we can sell much cheaper than anyone because we're not having to pay shipping which is passed on too the customer at a lower price point.
-How did the concept of the Trashy Girls start?
[If you're unaware of what trashy girls are, check here]
It was a fluke to tell the truth. About 8 years ago the Hard Rock in Vegas call asking if we could open a temporary store in their casino for a high rollers weekend party event. So we loaded up 5 ton truck and went out and have a good experience. We did it a few more times but it was a lot of work to day the least. So my wife said to the management what they really wanted was the vibe and brand plus the girls we brought to run the store and walk around to model. So scratch the store and pay us to bring the girls. So the rest is history.
-My readers would like to know if you get celebrities coming into the store and what kind of gear they would leave with?
Well most of the time it's for on screen so they have no say so or what they feel comfortable in just depending on the costumer. Now when they come in for their selfs it different,depends on the person. Some are big fans of our panties, others bras or polar fleece. There is no real general rule of what they buy. You need to keep in mind we can make anything, so the only restriction is their imagination .
If you have any follow up questions you'd like Randy to answer, email them to me and maybe he'll have time for them. In the meantime I just received my latest order from Trashy and have, once more, nothing but praise. I can't say what it is quite yet since it's a surprise for the missus but I'll post about it later on.
So do yourself a huge favor and hop on to Trashy and in the box at checkout where it asks where you heard of Trashy? Put in this blog.
Thanks for reading and thank you Randy for your time.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Stripper for one night
I've never been one to spend friday nights in strip clubs looking for the next set of breasts to motorboat. In fact I've never actually been in one for the simple reason that I don't understand the concept. You're basically paying money for some sexual contact but leave with blue-balls? I don't see the attraction in that. Of course I can already hear those who tell me for the right price the stripper will go down on me or have sex in the VIP rooms but if you want to pay for sex, why not just go for a prostitute then?
Now the concept of a strip club doesn't appeal to me but that of a lapdance is a whole other issue. I've tried for a while to get the missus to surprise me with a sexy strip-tease followed and/or a hot little lapdance. She has always been opposed to it not by principle but because she doesn't feel she can be sexy doing that. That's what hit me. She was afraid she wouldn't look attractive performing the dance and moves. So this small update will be to try to get her to work past that fear and maybe someday indulge me.
Of course personally I know she would be sexy doing it but she chalks it up to the "you think anything I do is sexy", which in a way is true, but I think anyone who saw you slowly taking your top off, fingers sliding over your skin slowly, would agree with me on this. And this apply to every female reading this, you want to turn on your man? Try this. I doubt he'll settle for a random stripper anytime soon.
I'm not talking full on pole dancing in your living room, despite the Home Pole Dancing kit being available.
Instead have him sit down on one of the dining room chairs, you could use the couch but then chances are he will be all slumped down unlike in the chair where you'll be able to grind against him and feel how much he's enjoying this.
If you really want to drive him wild, try handcuffing his hands behind his back. Believe me, he'll be desperately trying to undo them so he can get a feel of your body dancing against him. You don't have to dress the part either. Even if you start off in your jeans and a tank top, as soon as your in your underwear you'll do just fine. If ever you do feel like dressing a little more "appropriately" I suggest stockings, a very tiny skirt, and a fishnet shirt over your bra. Heels are always a plus.
As the missus doesn't want to do it because her self-image isn't that high, I think her doing that would actually improve. I think if she was to do it once she'd realize how sexy she can be and that would definately bring her self-image up a notch or two. Try it with your partner, you feel you can't pull it off? Try it first and then you should be positively rewarded.
Now I can't go through a whole post about stripping/poledancing without mentionning Carmen Electra's aerobic striptease. Now you can tell her stripping can be good for her. Still feel weird asking her? Buy it as a "gag gift" and gauge her reaction, who knows, she might even entertain the idea.
Now the concept of a strip club doesn't appeal to me but that of a lapdance is a whole other issue. I've tried for a while to get the missus to surprise me with a sexy strip-tease followed and/or a hot little lapdance. She has always been opposed to it not by principle but because she doesn't feel she can be sexy doing that. That's what hit me. She was afraid she wouldn't look attractive performing the dance and moves. So this small update will be to try to get her to work past that fear and maybe someday indulge me.
Of course personally I know she would be sexy doing it but she chalks it up to the "you think anything I do is sexy", which in a way is true, but I think anyone who saw you slowly taking your top off, fingers sliding over your skin slowly, would agree with me on this. And this apply to every female reading this, you want to turn on your man? Try this. I doubt he'll settle for a random stripper anytime soon.
I'm not talking full on pole dancing in your living room, despite the Home Pole Dancing kit being available.
Instead have him sit down on one of the dining room chairs, you could use the couch but then chances are he will be all slumped down unlike in the chair where you'll be able to grind against him and feel how much he's enjoying this.
If you really want to drive him wild, try handcuffing his hands behind his back. Believe me, he'll be desperately trying to undo them so he can get a feel of your body dancing against him. You don't have to dress the part either. Even if you start off in your jeans and a tank top, as soon as your in your underwear you'll do just fine. If ever you do feel like dressing a little more "appropriately" I suggest stockings, a very tiny skirt, and a fishnet shirt over your bra. Heels are always a plus.
As the missus doesn't want to do it because her self-image isn't that high, I think her doing that would actually improve. I think if she was to do it once she'd realize how sexy she can be and that would definately bring her self-image up a notch or two. Try it with your partner, you feel you can't pull it off? Try it first and then you should be positively rewarded.
Now I can't go through a whole post about stripping/poledancing without mentionning Carmen Electra's aerobic striptease. Now you can tell her stripping can be good for her. Still feel weird asking her? Buy it as a "gag gift" and gauge her reaction, who knows, she might even entertain the idea.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Who ordered the large pizza...extra sausage?
Despite North American society still holding several stigmas with sex and it's various aspects, some of them seem to be slowly dissipating. Look back just a few years and oral sex was frowned upon, anal sex was immoral, toys were only for perverts and porn was only for those who couldn't get any. Now none of these held any truth but they just seemed accepted by the population. That's why people hid the fact that they had a vibrator in their desk by the bed, or girls would like about oral or anal to not seem "whorish". Now look at the state of things; oral is a pretty important part of sexual contacts, anal is growing in terms of couples of partake in it, and I have a blog about toys. What about porn? I remember having to hide the fact that I was watching it from my parents when I was younger. Now? Porn is the most profitable industry in America. Wait...the most profitable industry in America...why again are we hiding it then?
Well I guess the taboo is dissipating as well. People are less and less "ashamed" to admit they have X gigs of porn on their harddrive, or a dvd collection bigger than my own hollywood movie collection. And that's a damn good thing. Granted you will still have the über-conservative/religious parents who will do everything they possibly can to prevent their children knowing what breasts look like until they hit marriage. I personnaly respect their choices, just don't expect me to make the same decision with my children. Porn is a form of entertainement. It serves a purpose, provides pleasure, and it seems to help out the economy. So enjoy it. Enjoy it as much as you can. Especially you youngins who don't know what it's like to only have the 4 year old issue of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, or have to sneak into your father's old stash of vintage playboy. You have it easy, so enjoy it.
Now that I've ranted I'd like to bring that topic into the realm of what I usually talk about. Have you watched porn with someone else? Have you ever sat down and put on a porno while in the company of your partner? Why not? If it arouses you both, have at it, watch it for a little bit, then go at it! Heck, you may even try something new from the flick. But here's a few things to keep in mind.
1) Type of Porn: There are hundreds of types of movies, from Anal to Zoo. It's important you establish the interests you share with your partner. If you bust out a triple penetration video and she gets grossed out by it, don't expect to end the film and find a very horny and willing girlfriend. Either talk to her about what she'd rather see, and don't fall in the trap of "oh she's a girl so she must like the softcore stuff", or if you would rather keep it a surprise, start off with something basic. A simple one guy, one girl scene, maybe costumes, regular "normal" porn. Then branch out from there.
2) Awkward silences: of course you won't talk the whole way through to video, but try to avoid having complete silence with both of you just watching for ten minutes. Nothing is stopping you from laughing at the horribly written storylines, or commenting on how such position is interesting and you'd like to try it with your partner. Make her feel involved in the experience as to not have her feel like you're watching porn and she just happens to be there.
3)When to make a move: Some will prefer to watch the video in it's entirety before getting down to business while some get so worked up watching it they want it right now. If you don't know which camp your partner falls in, go in lightly; start teasing her. Go gently for the nipples, or caress her thighs, just to let her know you are willing, ready, all she has to do is say the word.
Basically the important thing is to enjoy yourselves. Do something a little different, maybe have a laugh or two, and find an easy way to say "want to have sex?" by simply pressing play on the dvd player.
Well I guess the taboo is dissipating as well. People are less and less "ashamed" to admit they have X gigs of porn on their harddrive, or a dvd collection bigger than my own hollywood movie collection. And that's a damn good thing. Granted you will still have the über-conservative/religious parents who will do everything they possibly can to prevent their children knowing what breasts look like until they hit marriage. I personnaly respect their choices, just don't expect me to make the same decision with my children. Porn is a form of entertainement. It serves a purpose, provides pleasure, and it seems to help out the economy. So enjoy it. Enjoy it as much as you can. Especially you youngins who don't know what it's like to only have the 4 year old issue of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, or have to sneak into your father's old stash of vintage playboy. You have it easy, so enjoy it.
Now that I've ranted I'd like to bring that topic into the realm of what I usually talk about. Have you watched porn with someone else? Have you ever sat down and put on a porno while in the company of your partner? Why not? If it arouses you both, have at it, watch it for a little bit, then go at it! Heck, you may even try something new from the flick. But here's a few things to keep in mind.
1) Type of Porn: There are hundreds of types of movies, from Anal to Zoo. It's important you establish the interests you share with your partner. If you bust out a triple penetration video and she gets grossed out by it, don't expect to end the film and find a very horny and willing girlfriend. Either talk to her about what she'd rather see, and don't fall in the trap of "oh she's a girl so she must like the softcore stuff", or if you would rather keep it a surprise, start off with something basic. A simple one guy, one girl scene, maybe costumes, regular "normal" porn. Then branch out from there.
2) Awkward silences: of course you won't talk the whole way through to video, but try to avoid having complete silence with both of you just watching for ten minutes. Nothing is stopping you from laughing at the horribly written storylines, or commenting on how such position is interesting and you'd like to try it with your partner. Make her feel involved in the experience as to not have her feel like you're watching porn and she just happens to be there.
3)When to make a move: Some will prefer to watch the video in it's entirety before getting down to business while some get so worked up watching it they want it right now. If you don't know which camp your partner falls in, go in lightly; start teasing her. Go gently for the nipples, or caress her thighs, just to let her know you are willing, ready, all she has to do is say the word.
Basically the important thing is to enjoy yourselves. Do something a little different, maybe have a laugh or two, and find an easy way to say "want to have sex?" by simply pressing play on the dvd player.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Not done just yet
Last week I quickly went over a quick little bathtime fun for you and your partner and it's only two days later, on my way to the airport that it hit me: I forgot to mention waterproof toys. Of course my previous update was more romantic than naughty but it doesn't mean romantic can't lead into naughty. So for this week I'll just go over a few toys to keep in mind for bathroom fun (be it bath or shower).
Before I head into toys though I want to mention a few things to be alert of. Movies often romanticize the idea of hot tub/bathtub sex but it's not always that magical. Being submerged does tend to wash away some of the woman's natural lubrification which increases friction and can lead to discomfort. I do recommend silicone-based lubricant for this occasion since it won't wash off in the water. Being underwater doesn't mean a condom isn't necessary either. "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool". The silicone lubricant won't wear away at the latex either so less chances of it breaking.
Water does also sometimes numb the male member a little which will increase his time needed to orgasm, keep that in mind and if it starts drawing over too long a period, offer to finish up outside of the bath. Most men who have masterbated in the shower/bath will tell you it takes longer than normally.
With all this in mind, on to toys! After all it's 50% of what I mention on here.
Most regular toys will have waterproof versions of them for you to enjoy in the bath, shower, or possibly (private) pool. So you can easily find waterproof Jackrabbits or waterproof g-spot vibrators and of course you'll have fun with them. But for now let's check other options.
You might have used one out of the water before but have you tried a glass toy in combination with water? The temperature of the water affects the toy itself, of course cold water makes it cold (ideal for teasing), and warm water warms it up (to avoid those chills as you first slide it in). With no electronic insides there is no worries to break it and maybe it's just me, but the setting just seems to fit for the glass toy. Maybe it's all the mirrors around, maybe it's the water, but it just seems to fit. Warm up the water (or cool it down in the sink) and let yourself loose with your wand.
If you ask me, wireless eggs were created for two things: roadgasms, and underwater. Now this has the benefit of being a lot more subtle then a dildo which means you could easily have one in your bikini at the pool with no one the wiser. You could be swimming gently while your partner holds the remote and teases you from the side of the pool (I do have to mention side of the pool since most wireless toys don't have wireless remotes). Imagine having to hold back from moaning through an orgasm because you're in public. Maybe your partner is a tease and they just like to get you all worked up before you exit the pool, find a quiet spot and finish up. Either way, the egg works nicely, and it works just as nicely in the tub. You or your partner can still control it as you remain submerged in the water, feel it bring you closer and closer to climax before you step out of the tub and ask him to take you right there over the sink counter.
This next one I thought was more of a gag gift until I saw it in action; presenting the rubber duckie. It's fully waterproof of course and designed to look like an innocent bath toy until you twist the end and it begins the vibrate. It's tail is designed to hit your clitoris just right and the rest of it vibrates to provide stimulation wherever else you might need it. Have a splashing orgasm in the bath without anyone else ever suspecting your innocent looking rubber duck is the tool of your naughty and clean (well I would say clean but after all, you're in the bathtub) activities.
This next one can be used in the bathtub but I don't see it as it's primary purpose. The Dildo with suction cup is designed to stick in place so you can ride it hands free. I won't claim to understand why but the women I know who use this seem to agree on the it's preferred location: the edge of the bathtub. One leg in, one leg out, the toy on the edge as they ride it. It could be simply that the suction cup sticks better to the bath then a hardwood floor, I just don't know. But it's definately worth a try. Another common use is against the wall in the shower to simulate being taken from behind. Now for this position I would recommend attaching the suction cup before running the water to make sure it's properly stuck on the wall. Once that's done, turn on the hot water, and imagine your favourite hunk giving it to you in the shower.
This next accessory is one I have not tried yet but intend to in the near future. These Suction Shower Handlebars seem perfect for a hot shower session, whether your plan is to go down on your partner, take her in a standing missionary position, or from behind, the handles should give her that extra grip so you don't have to reposition every few seconds. Hopefully they are strong enough to support the pressure but I will let you know in a future update, this is definately something I intend to try out.
Well I think that sums up the Bath/shower/pool scene nicely, of course I leave this open to email comments and questions in case I want to revisit the topic later with brand new ideas or corrections.
In the meantime, go grab a toy, stop reading and head for the bathroom, I hear the water calling you out.
Before I head into toys though I want to mention a few things to be alert of. Movies often romanticize the idea of hot tub/bathtub sex but it's not always that magical. Being submerged does tend to wash away some of the woman's natural lubrification which increases friction and can lead to discomfort. I do recommend silicone-based lubricant for this occasion since it won't wash off in the water. Being underwater doesn't mean a condom isn't necessary either. "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool". The silicone lubricant won't wear away at the latex either so less chances of it breaking.
Water does also sometimes numb the male member a little which will increase his time needed to orgasm, keep that in mind and if it starts drawing over too long a period, offer to finish up outside of the bath. Most men who have masterbated in the shower/bath will tell you it takes longer than normally.
With all this in mind, on to toys! After all it's 50% of what I mention on here.
Most regular toys will have waterproof versions of them for you to enjoy in the bath, shower, or possibly (private) pool. So you can easily find waterproof Jackrabbits or waterproof g-spot vibrators and of course you'll have fun with them. But for now let's check other options.
You might have used one out of the water before but have you tried a glass toy in combination with water? The temperature of the water affects the toy itself, of course cold water makes it cold (ideal for teasing), and warm water warms it up (to avoid those chills as you first slide it in). With no electronic insides there is no worries to break it and maybe it's just me, but the setting just seems to fit for the glass toy. Maybe it's all the mirrors around, maybe it's the water, but it just seems to fit. Warm up the water (or cool it down in the sink) and let yourself loose with your wand.
If you ask me, wireless eggs were created for two things: roadgasms, and underwater. Now this has the benefit of being a lot more subtle then a dildo which means you could easily have one in your bikini at the pool with no one the wiser. You could be swimming gently while your partner holds the remote and teases you from the side of the pool (I do have to mention side of the pool since most wireless toys don't have wireless remotes). Imagine having to hold back from moaning through an orgasm because you're in public. Maybe your partner is a tease and they just like to get you all worked up before you exit the pool, find a quiet spot and finish up. Either way, the egg works nicely, and it works just as nicely in the tub. You or your partner can still control it as you remain submerged in the water, feel it bring you closer and closer to climax before you step out of the tub and ask him to take you right there over the sink counter.
This next one I thought was more of a gag gift until I saw it in action; presenting the rubber duckie. It's fully waterproof of course and designed to look like an innocent bath toy until you twist the end and it begins the vibrate. It's tail is designed to hit your clitoris just right and the rest of it vibrates to provide stimulation wherever else you might need it. Have a splashing orgasm in the bath without anyone else ever suspecting your innocent looking rubber duck is the tool of your naughty and clean (well I would say clean but after all, you're in the bathtub) activities.
This next one can be used in the bathtub but I don't see it as it's primary purpose. The Dildo with suction cup is designed to stick in place so you can ride it hands free. I won't claim to understand why but the women I know who use this seem to agree on the it's preferred location: the edge of the bathtub. One leg in, one leg out, the toy on the edge as they ride it. It could be simply that the suction cup sticks better to the bath then a hardwood floor, I just don't know. But it's definately worth a try. Another common use is against the wall in the shower to simulate being taken from behind. Now for this position I would recommend attaching the suction cup before running the water to make sure it's properly stuck on the wall. Once that's done, turn on the hot water, and imagine your favourite hunk giving it to you in the shower.
This next accessory is one I have not tried yet but intend to in the near future. These Suction Shower Handlebars seem perfect for a hot shower session, whether your plan is to go down on your partner, take her in a standing missionary position, or from behind, the handles should give her that extra grip so you don't have to reposition every few seconds. Hopefully they are strong enough to support the pressure but I will let you know in a future update, this is definately something I intend to try out.
Well I think that sums up the Bath/shower/pool scene nicely, of course I leave this open to email comments and questions in case I want to revisit the topic later with brand new ideas or corrections.
In the meantime, go grab a toy, stop reading and head for the bathroom, I hear the water calling you out.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A Dash of Romance
Let's take a step back from the Naughty division of PervAdvice and let's move over to the Romantic aspect of our offices. I've already gone over quite a few suggestions on how to blow her/his mind in bed but what if one evening you just want to do something nice for a change? Something relaxing, quiet, soothing; something that would set a mood for something so much more gentle, and soft. I've briefly mentionned it in the past but here goes the full explanation.
Bath time. Yes you read right, Bath time. Leave the rubber duckies out though because this isn't your typical "clean yourself" bath. This bath is to make her relax, to make her forget all her worries, to show her you care. For this you will need:
-Bathtub of course (this is even better if it's big enough to fit two people)
-several candles
-fake rose petals (which you can either get in the A Bed of Roses kit which can be found in most sex shops) or a cheaper kind in dollar stores.
-Dessert
Whatever the occasion, whether she's come home from a stressful day at work or you just want to please her and make the evening about her, let her know you'll run her a bath and excuse yourself to the bathroom. Let the water run and when it's almost full, light up your candles and scatter them around the room, just for ambiance rather than actual lighting. Spread your rose petals over the water (it looks even better if you have enough to cover the whole water line). Add a little bubble soap and have her come in and settle down. Already she should be quite relaxed and quite pleased. Bring her some kind of dessert, whether it'd be a pastry, or a slice of cake with a little ice cream, just something sweet and sugary. If she likes it try to almost feed her, so she never has to stick out of the water. I do recommend the ice cream on top of the cake as it gives a nice little sensation contrast with the warm water and air in the room.
As I mentionned, things are even better if the tub is big enough to fit both (as is the missus'). Slip in with her and take some time to relax, ask her what she's thinking about, how her day was. After a while you could gauge her current sexual interest with a few pinpointed questions. Want a hint? Compliment her on how her naked body looks in the water. Then slowly get closer to her and at that point it's all freestyle on your part. I'm quite the fan of giving her head as she sits on the edge of the tub. You could possibly initiate penetration while submerged but for pleasure and safety reasons, it's not always recommended. Instead you could just step out and take her from behind as she leans over the bathroom counter. In the scenario in which you both step out, I do recommend having brought up the room temperature so she doesn't freeze as she steps out.
If the tub can only fit one it doesn't mean your fun ends there, try to subtly remove her clothes from the bathroom, and bring in what you'd like her to wear as she steps out, be in a negligée, a little kimono, or a corset. I'm sure she'll happilly oblige.
Now there are a few advantages to the pre-coitus bath time, other than simply making her smile and seeing her naked. You know she will be all clean so if you're a bit reserved about going down on her, either cunnilingus or analingus, now is the time. If you managed to soak in as well, you might last a little longer in bed since some men (present company included) lose a little bit of sensation after a bath/shower which allows for longer repeated penetration. Most of all, after setting up a bath like that for her, she should be thankful enough to be yours to do as you wish for the remainder of the evening so enjoy, but don't abuse.
This week's update is a small one but as was already stated, I will be out of the country until next wednesday. The good news is I will try to start having reviews of toys as the missus tries them out. I'm trying to strike a deal with her which states that I buy them, and she tries them and lets me know so I can inform my loyal readers. Expect the first one soon.
In the meantime, keep it naughty, but this time, keep it clean as well.
Bath time. Yes you read right, Bath time. Leave the rubber duckies out though because this isn't your typical "clean yourself" bath. This bath is to make her relax, to make her forget all her worries, to show her you care. For this you will need:
-Bathtub of course (this is even better if it's big enough to fit two people)
-several candles
-fake rose petals (which you can either get in the A Bed of Roses kit which can be found in most sex shops) or a cheaper kind in dollar stores.
-Dessert
Whatever the occasion, whether she's come home from a stressful day at work or you just want to please her and make the evening about her, let her know you'll run her a bath and excuse yourself to the bathroom. Let the water run and when it's almost full, light up your candles and scatter them around the room, just for ambiance rather than actual lighting. Spread your rose petals over the water (it looks even better if you have enough to cover the whole water line). Add a little bubble soap and have her come in and settle down. Already she should be quite relaxed and quite pleased. Bring her some kind of dessert, whether it'd be a pastry, or a slice of cake with a little ice cream, just something sweet and sugary. If she likes it try to almost feed her, so she never has to stick out of the water. I do recommend the ice cream on top of the cake as it gives a nice little sensation contrast with the warm water and air in the room.
As I mentionned, things are even better if the tub is big enough to fit both (as is the missus'). Slip in with her and take some time to relax, ask her what she's thinking about, how her day was. After a while you could gauge her current sexual interest with a few pinpointed questions. Want a hint? Compliment her on how her naked body looks in the water. Then slowly get closer to her and at that point it's all freestyle on your part. I'm quite the fan of giving her head as she sits on the edge of the tub. You could possibly initiate penetration while submerged but for pleasure and safety reasons, it's not always recommended. Instead you could just step out and take her from behind as she leans over the bathroom counter. In the scenario in which you both step out, I do recommend having brought up the room temperature so she doesn't freeze as she steps out.
If the tub can only fit one it doesn't mean your fun ends there, try to subtly remove her clothes from the bathroom, and bring in what you'd like her to wear as she steps out, be in a negligée, a little kimono, or a corset. I'm sure she'll happilly oblige.
Now there are a few advantages to the pre-coitus bath time, other than simply making her smile and seeing her naked. You know she will be all clean so if you're a bit reserved about going down on her, either cunnilingus or analingus, now is the time. If you managed to soak in as well, you might last a little longer in bed since some men (present company included) lose a little bit of sensation after a bath/shower which allows for longer repeated penetration. Most of all, after setting up a bath like that for her, she should be thankful enough to be yours to do as you wish for the remainder of the evening so enjoy, but don't abuse.
This week's update is a small one but as was already stated, I will be out of the country until next wednesday. The good news is I will try to start having reviews of toys as the missus tries them out. I'm trying to strike a deal with her which states that I buy them, and she tries them and lets me know so I can inform my loyal readers. Expect the first one soon.
In the meantime, keep it naughty, but this time, keep it clean as well.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Roleplaying for dummies ...well experienced dummies.
Last week we looked through a few of the basic roleplaying scenarios between you and your partner. As I'm still waiting on a few answers regarding the Porn survey I requested last week (if you haven't emailed me your answers, please do so asap), I will continue the topic of Roleplay and drive it to a road a bit more complex than what we've previously mentionned. Now keep in mind, these still aren't as deep as something along the lines of horse-play but if you're a beginner, I still suggest hitting up last week's update here for more basic ideas.
With all the disclaimers out of the way, let's go!
Scenario #1: Aladdin
Everyone has, at one point in their life, dreamed of finding a lamp, rubbing it, and getting rewarded with 3 wishes. Now what if you what popped out was a naughty genie instead? This isn't gender specific as both male and female could act as the genie and the general scenario remains the same. The genie is of course under the command of the other, forced to grant them 3 sexy wishes. I'm sure everyone who reads this can come up with 3 naughty suggestions. Of course in the context of roleplay, the genie can't refuse the wishes; but if your partner does have some restrictions related to some sexual acts, you can pull the old Genie rules from Aladdin which states there are some things you can't ask for (in the movie you couldn't request for ressurection of a loved one, for the death or a hated one, or to make someone fall in love with you). Just have your luscious genie state the rules before you start asking for your wishes and after that, have your imagination run wild as your genie fulfills your 3 naughtiest desires. Of course this would work out even better if you manage to find yourself a quiet beach somewhere with nobody around to reenatc a little of the desert setting but if that's not available, just try to make your living room look a little more eastern; as interior decorating isn't my business I will leave that off to you.
Costume suggestions:
3 wishes Genie costumes
Trashy Genies and Harem girls costumes
Scenario #2: Boot Camp
Once again we have a non gender specific scenario but to be honest, I do find the woman in control to be a much sexier option, if only for my own desire to be sometimes dominated by the missus. Now I say the words "Boot Camp" and what do people automatically think of? Tough training, horrible hours, physical exhaustion, and a harsh drill instructor. But what if the latter was a sexy young woman ordering you around, wouldn't that make you want to drill the instructor? Imagine your partner ordering you through pushups, physical inspections and a little training until you're hot and sweaty enough for her, your recent activities making you glow and bring a rather positive light to your muscles. Again, it doesn't have to be her giving orders but we've already seen so many scenarios in which she's controlled, let her run wild. Let her yell at you, boss you around, even physically abuse you a little for the sake of realism. If you have access to a cottage in the forest go ahead and really make it look like a boot camp. If not, you should be so wrapped up in her orders for twenty more pushups and for you to go harder and faster that you should quickly forget you're in your bedroom on the 14 floor of a posh appartment complex.
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy Military catalog
3 wishes Military selection
Scenario #3: Heaven or Hell
This section would technically be split into two but I will only briefly go over both. With this idea we're back into the female-specific section, if only in my imagination because I have trouble imagining myself or any other man in an angel/devil costume without looking ridiculous. On the other hand, she can easily wear a sexy angel or naughty devil costume and look anything but goofy, instead downright hot. She gets the two options: either angel or devil and her behavior will be dictated by the choice of costume. If she picks angel she becomes the softest creature she could be, her purpose being to pillow your life onto a fluffy cloud through gentle pleasures and massages. Don't go into this setting if you're in the mood for some hardcore action, I would suggest this being the perfect setting for handjobs and blowjobs, just for a second close your eyes and picture yourself receiving head from an angel with whiet wings...Got it? There's something primitive about it but I don't know anyone who would refuse that. Now she could go the other way and head far into the fiery pits of a very sexy hell in a devil costume. She doesn't have to torture you in the usual sense but she could very well decide to strip you down, tie you up and spank you, tease you for very long periods, and submit you to hot/cold tortures (switching between ice cubes on your skin and melting hot wax on it) before you cave in to her will and she finally straddles you and rides you. It's always a fun idea to switch between the two to keep your partner guessing, sometimes even switching halfway through one to the other just to really surprise him. Now I would like to mention really quickly that if you're lucky enough of a man to participate in a MFF (male-female-female) threesome, I would highly suggest trying out between the subject of attention between your two partners as the angel and the devil. I won't go deeper into it than that because I would be writing for hours but if you do, toss me an email about it. Quick location note: try the angel play while he sits in a very large bean bag chair, you'll feel like you're floating on a cloud.
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy's Heaven or Hell repertoire
3wishes' Faeries, Angels and Devils
Scenario #4: Cheerleader
Here we get to one of the landmarks of not just sexy costumes but teenage boys' fantasies; the cheerleader. Show me a man who says he never fantasized about cheerleaders and I will show you someone who, at a very young age, learned he liked men. Unfortunately only the football team captain had his selection of cheerleaders and those like myself who qualified as a "nerd", a "geek", or worse, "the foreign kid", we didn't exactly swim through a cheerleader tunnel as they all fought to let us slip a hand under their bloomers behind the football field. Well now it's time to relive that fantasy. This one doesn't require that much roleplaying really, of course you have her play along the role as she cheers for you and plays as if she was 17 again, excited about the big hunky football player (this time this gets to be you!) takes her roughly. If she is willing I suggest actually trying out the exhibitionist aspect of this (hence why this isn't beginning roleplay) and try during off hours to sneak into the football stadium and do this under the bleachers as they would've back in high school after a homecoming victory. Take her out to the old stadium and make her cheer and scream for "M" "O" "R" "E".
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy's Athletes, Referees and Cheerleaders
3wishes' College Days
Once more, if you manage to try these out, send me an email to tell me about it.
A few notes of importance:
Next week I will be out of the country, I will attempt to have a quick update on wednesday but I can't guarantee it.
I've also spent quite a pretty penny for a few little surprises for the missus so when she receives the full package in a few weeks, I will have some new reviews/follow up on past reviews.
In the meantime, keep emailing me your answers to my porn survey and keep it naughty.
With all the disclaimers out of the way, let's go!
Scenario #1: Aladdin
Everyone has, at one point in their life, dreamed of finding a lamp, rubbing it, and getting rewarded with 3 wishes. Now what if you what popped out was a naughty genie instead? This isn't gender specific as both male and female could act as the genie and the general scenario remains the same. The genie is of course under the command of the other, forced to grant them 3 sexy wishes. I'm sure everyone who reads this can come up with 3 naughty suggestions. Of course in the context of roleplay, the genie can't refuse the wishes; but if your partner does have some restrictions related to some sexual acts, you can pull the old Genie rules from Aladdin which states there are some things you can't ask for (in the movie you couldn't request for ressurection of a loved one, for the death or a hated one, or to make someone fall in love with you). Just have your luscious genie state the rules before you start asking for your wishes and after that, have your imagination run wild as your genie fulfills your 3 naughtiest desires. Of course this would work out even better if you manage to find yourself a quiet beach somewhere with nobody around to reenatc a little of the desert setting but if that's not available, just try to make your living room look a little more eastern; as interior decorating isn't my business I will leave that off to you.
Costume suggestions:
3 wishes Genie costumes
Trashy Genies and Harem girls costumes
Scenario #2: Boot Camp
Once again we have a non gender specific scenario but to be honest, I do find the woman in control to be a much sexier option, if only for my own desire to be sometimes dominated by the missus. Now I say the words "Boot Camp" and what do people automatically think of? Tough training, horrible hours, physical exhaustion, and a harsh drill instructor. But what if the latter was a sexy young woman ordering you around, wouldn't that make you want to drill the instructor? Imagine your partner ordering you through pushups, physical inspections and a little training until you're hot and sweaty enough for her, your recent activities making you glow and bring a rather positive light to your muscles. Again, it doesn't have to be her giving orders but we've already seen so many scenarios in which she's controlled, let her run wild. Let her yell at you, boss you around, even physically abuse you a little for the sake of realism. If you have access to a cottage in the forest go ahead and really make it look like a boot camp. If not, you should be so wrapped up in her orders for twenty more pushups and for you to go harder and faster that you should quickly forget you're in your bedroom on the 14 floor of a posh appartment complex.
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy Military catalog
3 wishes Military selection
Scenario #3: Heaven or Hell
This section would technically be split into two but I will only briefly go over both. With this idea we're back into the female-specific section, if only in my imagination because I have trouble imagining myself or any other man in an angel/devil costume without looking ridiculous. On the other hand, she can easily wear a sexy angel or naughty devil costume and look anything but goofy, instead downright hot. She gets the two options: either angel or devil and her behavior will be dictated by the choice of costume. If she picks angel she becomes the softest creature she could be, her purpose being to pillow your life onto a fluffy cloud through gentle pleasures and massages. Don't go into this setting if you're in the mood for some hardcore action, I would suggest this being the perfect setting for handjobs and blowjobs, just for a second close your eyes and picture yourself receiving head from an angel with whiet wings...Got it? There's something primitive about it but I don't know anyone who would refuse that. Now she could go the other way and head far into the fiery pits of a very sexy hell in a devil costume. She doesn't have to torture you in the usual sense but she could very well decide to strip you down, tie you up and spank you, tease you for very long periods, and submit you to hot/cold tortures (switching between ice cubes on your skin and melting hot wax on it) before you cave in to her will and she finally straddles you and rides you. It's always a fun idea to switch between the two to keep your partner guessing, sometimes even switching halfway through one to the other just to really surprise him. Now I would like to mention really quickly that if you're lucky enough of a man to participate in a MFF (male-female-female) threesome, I would highly suggest trying out between the subject of attention between your two partners as the angel and the devil. I won't go deeper into it than that because I would be writing for hours but if you do, toss me an email about it. Quick location note: try the angel play while he sits in a very large bean bag chair, you'll feel like you're floating on a cloud.
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy's Heaven or Hell repertoire
3wishes' Faeries, Angels and Devils
Scenario #4: Cheerleader
Here we get to one of the landmarks of not just sexy costumes but teenage boys' fantasies; the cheerleader. Show me a man who says he never fantasized about cheerleaders and I will show you someone who, at a very young age, learned he liked men. Unfortunately only the football team captain had his selection of cheerleaders and those like myself who qualified as a "nerd", a "geek", or worse, "the foreign kid", we didn't exactly swim through a cheerleader tunnel as they all fought to let us slip a hand under their bloomers behind the football field. Well now it's time to relive that fantasy. This one doesn't require that much roleplaying really, of course you have her play along the role as she cheers for you and plays as if she was 17 again, excited about the big hunky football player (this time this gets to be you!) takes her roughly. If she is willing I suggest actually trying out the exhibitionist aspect of this (hence why this isn't beginning roleplay) and try during off hours to sneak into the football stadium and do this under the bleachers as they would've back in high school after a homecoming victory. Take her out to the old stadium and make her cheer and scream for "M" "O" "R" "E".
Costume Suggestions:
Trashy's Athletes, Referees and Cheerleaders
3wishes' College Days
Once more, if you manage to try these out, send me an email to tell me about it.
A few notes of importance:
Next week I will be out of the country, I will attempt to have a quick update on wednesday but I can't guarantee it.
I've also spent quite a pretty penny for a few little surprises for the missus so when she receives the full package in a few weeks, I will have some new reviews/follow up on past reviews.
In the meantime, keep emailing me your answers to my porn survey and keep it naughty.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A Deeper Exploration into Roleplaying...for Beginners?
I previously mentionned in the first Note to Those More Reserved that not everyone is comfortable with Roleplaying. Whether it's the fear of saying the wrong thing and ruining it for both, or the worry of looking a little goofy, some just tend to shy away from taking on the role of someone else in the bedroom. Well of course if you're reading this, it's because you want to work on that so let your old friendly neighborhood Perv give you just a few scenarios to try out. Who knows? Maybe you and your partner will enjoy one and will develop quite the liking. I'll of course suggest some costumes to go along with the setting but keep in mind these will fall under the "light roleplay" category. You want to start off slowly and I'll get into deeper ones in future updates.
Now keep reading...and I'll show you just how deep the rabbithole goes...
Scenario #1: School
Of course the schoolgirl costume is a staple of the bedroom sceneries. You don't even have to roleplay as long as you wear it, that's sometimes enough to turn your man on and have him begging for a peek under that little plaid skirt. This post though is to make you start roleplaying so we won't just stop there. With the School girl approach you have a variety of roles for the male in the situation (for the sake of simplicity, I will only write up Male/female sets, but will write up male/male and/or Male/Female if ever they are requested). As the male you can be a teacher; going for the old but still covetted method of trading a better grade for some favors. In this case whichever of you is less comfortable roleplaying doesn't have to talk much, either he is doing all the talking; explaining her grades and going into kinky details on what she can do to change it, or she can be doing the apologies and offering her services to get a better grade. On a similar note you could be the school director, threatening to kick her out of school, a tutor giving her a bit of hard love so she learns her lessons, or another student who simply has a lustful interest in her and asks for nothing more than to bed her over a desk. Whichever you choose, make sure you figure out which one is less comfortable and have them do the less talking.
The roles can easily be reversed by making her the teacher who has quite a thing for one of her young students. At this point her wardrobe changes to something a bit more official and dressy rather than the plaid skirt + white blouse combination. One accessory I do recommend for the naughty schoolteacher would be a ruler. It's of course a control thing but I do enjoy the teacher with the ruler which she could very well use to inflict a little bit of delicious pain were I to not give her the answer she seeks.
Scenario #2: Rich Property
A personal favourite of mine, simply because of the complexity the costume. This one doesn't involve as much choice on the part of the male figure but nevertheless remains a basic on. You will most likely end up being the owner of the estate for which your spicy little maid is paid to clean and will end up getting worked up either for a good job cleaning, or a punishement for breaking your favourite vase. For that she might deserve a bit of punishement so don't be afraid to bend her over the pool table (or any table/counter) so she makes up for the broken objects. I did specify pool table only because that's a personal preference of mine, though I can't exactly explain it. The interesting thing about the Maid is that she's under your employement, therefore you could work under the assumption she is paid to do whatever you, as the owner of this estate, desire. Experiment with the various little details and find the one that brings out your inner maid.
Scenario #3: Clinic
I'll split this one into two different storylines, the first one being the quintessential nurse-patient one. As she dresses in a naughty nurse outfit, you remain in bed, ridden with some affliction which only tender love and care from a nurse in a short skirt can ease. This would also let you play around with some light bondage as maybe the patient would have his arms tied up unable to move as he is mending bones. I do suggest having him lay in bed with a little bell, ringing it for service from the everloving staff of the clinic or hospital.
With the roles flipped you could have her be a patient in a clinic only here for a routine check up but happens to fall on a peculiar doctor who sways her into a series of medical tests such as self breast exam, or errogenous sensitivy tests, as he is of course, a thorough and reknowned practitioner of medicine. Have a small tablet ready with your lists of tests, slap on your rubber gloves and begin examining your patient, making sure you don't miss any spot of her naked body.
Scenario #4: Office
This of course works much better if your residence as a dedicated room as an office but at this point, any room with a desk will do. All of those who worked in an office environment have had day dreams of going over to the hot secretary, forcing her to kiss you before taking her right there on the desk. Well now you can. Have her dress up in a dark pencil skirt, white blouse and jacket on top, glasses are a very nice extra. Have her working on some important documents which she was supposed to bring you yesterday and interrupt her work load with one of your own. Again you can reverse the roles and be the worried, nervous, office clerk who never noticed the delicious secretary crushing on him. As he struggles to meet deadlines she approaches him and putting her luscious lips to good use as she helps him relax deeply.
I've only brought out what I'd consider the tip of the iceberg. You've probably all had some of these as fantasies or seen them in porn so it's nothing new in terms of spanking material, but I hope this is the little motivation you need to start roleplaying (and anyone who just mentionned a level 10 paladin should slap himself right now).
I do have a favor now to ask the readers, I am trying to collect a little data on the subject of one of my future updates. If you have the time please email me at Pervadvice at gmail.com with your answers to the following questions:
-Do you ever watch porn with your partner?
-If so which kinds come up most frequently? (list off fetishes, scenarios, whatever you feel)
-Does it excite you or is it just for a quick laugh?
Thanks for reading!
Now keep reading...and I'll show you just how deep the rabbithole goes...
Scenario #1: School
Of course the schoolgirl costume is a staple of the bedroom sceneries. You don't even have to roleplay as long as you wear it, that's sometimes enough to turn your man on and have him begging for a peek under that little plaid skirt. This post though is to make you start roleplaying so we won't just stop there. With the School girl approach you have a variety of roles for the male in the situation (for the sake of simplicity, I will only write up Male/female sets, but will write up male/male and/or Male/Female if ever they are requested). As the male you can be a teacher; going for the old but still covetted method of trading a better grade for some favors. In this case whichever of you is less comfortable roleplaying doesn't have to talk much, either he is doing all the talking; explaining her grades and going into kinky details on what she can do to change it, or she can be doing the apologies and offering her services to get a better grade. On a similar note you could be the school director, threatening to kick her out of school, a tutor giving her a bit of hard love so she learns her lessons, or another student who simply has a lustful interest in her and asks for nothing more than to bed her over a desk. Whichever you choose, make sure you figure out which one is less comfortable and have them do the less talking.
The roles can easily be reversed by making her the teacher who has quite a thing for one of her young students. At this point her wardrobe changes to something a bit more official and dressy rather than the plaid skirt + white blouse combination. One accessory I do recommend for the naughty schoolteacher would be a ruler. It's of course a control thing but I do enjoy the teacher with the ruler which she could very well use to inflict a little bit of delicious pain were I to not give her the answer she seeks.
Scenario #2: Rich Property
A personal favourite of mine, simply because of the complexity the costume. This one doesn't involve as much choice on the part of the male figure but nevertheless remains a basic on. You will most likely end up being the owner of the estate for which your spicy little maid is paid to clean and will end up getting worked up either for a good job cleaning, or a punishement for breaking your favourite vase. For that she might deserve a bit of punishement so don't be afraid to bend her over the pool table (or any table/counter) so she makes up for the broken objects. I did specify pool table only because that's a personal preference of mine, though I can't exactly explain it. The interesting thing about the Maid is that she's under your employement, therefore you could work under the assumption she is paid to do whatever you, as the owner of this estate, desire. Experiment with the various little details and find the one that brings out your inner maid.
Scenario #3: Clinic
I'll split this one into two different storylines, the first one being the quintessential nurse-patient one. As she dresses in a naughty nurse outfit, you remain in bed, ridden with some affliction which only tender love and care from a nurse in a short skirt can ease. This would also let you play around with some light bondage as maybe the patient would have his arms tied up unable to move as he is mending bones. I do suggest having him lay in bed with a little bell, ringing it for service from the everloving staff of the clinic or hospital.
With the roles flipped you could have her be a patient in a clinic only here for a routine check up but happens to fall on a peculiar doctor who sways her into a series of medical tests such as self breast exam, or errogenous sensitivy tests, as he is of course, a thorough and reknowned practitioner of medicine. Have a small tablet ready with your lists of tests, slap on your rubber gloves and begin examining your patient, making sure you don't miss any spot of her naked body.
Scenario #4: Office
This of course works much better if your residence as a dedicated room as an office but at this point, any room with a desk will do. All of those who worked in an office environment have had day dreams of going over to the hot secretary, forcing her to kiss you before taking her right there on the desk. Well now you can. Have her dress up in a dark pencil skirt, white blouse and jacket on top, glasses are a very nice extra. Have her working on some important documents which she was supposed to bring you yesterday and interrupt her work load with one of your own. Again you can reverse the roles and be the worried, nervous, office clerk who never noticed the delicious secretary crushing on him. As he struggles to meet deadlines she approaches him and putting her luscious lips to good use as she helps him relax deeply.
I've only brought out what I'd consider the tip of the iceberg. You've probably all had some of these as fantasies or seen them in porn so it's nothing new in terms of spanking material, but I hope this is the little motivation you need to start roleplaying (and anyone who just mentionned a level 10 paladin should slap himself right now).
I do have a favor now to ask the readers, I am trying to collect a little data on the subject of one of my future updates. If you have the time please email me at Pervadvice at gmail.com with your answers to the following questions:
-Do you ever watch porn with your partner?
-If so which kinds come up most frequently? (list off fetishes, scenarios, whatever you feel)
-Does it excite you or is it just for a quick laugh?
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Quickie
Just to let y'all know I've started a Twitter feed along with a Facebook page so you can keep track of updates.
I'll also be using those assets sometimes for polls on what you would like to read about next.
Next full update on thursday!
Twitter feed
Facebook Page
I'll also be using those assets sometimes for polls on what you would like to read about next.
Next full update on thursday!
Twitter feed
Facebook Page
Friday, June 26, 2009
Quickie update: Links
After the toy and lingerie update I found myself helping a few people on where to find what they were looking for. I therefore decided to just post a quick list of links to help you all out.
Sex toys:
-Adam & Eve : Easily your number one stop shop.
-Healthy and Active: another great store with low shipping
-The Adult Toy Shoppe: very good store with a few helpful guides.
-Sex Toys :Great for UK buyers
-Pink Cherry: Your best option for Canada
Lingerie
-Trashy
-Frederick's of Hollywood
-La La Lingerie
-LIngerie dot com
-3 wishes (costumes)
-Buy Costumes (mostly halloween costumes with with a wide variety of sexy ones throughout).
And whatever you do, AVOID DOXY LINGERIE at all costs. They are a scam business and you will basically be throwing money out the window. Never, under any circumstances, deal with Doxy.
Well I hope this help. I'll be back next week with a real update but in the meantime I just set up the blog email at pervadvice [at] gmail [dot] com so feel free to send me an email for comments/questions/requests.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Lingerie for those more Conservative
One goal I had when I started writing this little project was to open up new options for some people. Just broaden your horizons a little bit and be willing to try new things. It doesn't have to be something as dramatic as throwing your tongue deep inside your partner's ass, it can be something simple like today's topic: Lingerie. Now keep in mind this update will be my own opinion on the subject rather than facts, as well as what I believe is the way some things are perceived.
"men shop for lingerie like children buy cereal. the dont care what they buy. as long as they get the prize thats inside"
-Jeff Foxworthy.
In a sad way it's true of some people. Some see lingerie as a waste of money since you're going to take it off of her anyway, why waste 200$ on something you'll see for 30 seconds? If that were true then why would companies waste money making new, better looking underwear? We could all be wearing white granny panties with a boring beige bra. Why would Victoria's Secret spend millions on their fashion show every year?
Why would women care then? The way I always saw it, and ladies you're welcome to correct me, but it gives them some ounce of dignity left. I'm not saying being naked shames then but she doesn't fully uncover herself. It might be only psychological but having some clothes on (despite how small they are) lets her keep some aspect of control on her own body. The second she removes them she is bare, everything is uncovered for him to see, the lingerie allows her not only to keep that psychological boost knowing he wants what's underneath, but to make him work that much harder for it. I definately believe in the psychological aspect of it as one of the happiest days I've seen the missus is when she went to work wearing a bra+panties kit worth well over 200$. She didn't show anybody or even told anyone, but the idea that underneath the work uniform was something like that, something classy and desirable, but it boosted her morale as it made her feel, pardon the expression, like a million bucks.
Well, because some of us men really enjoy the look of lingerie and some women really enjoy wearing it. But why? why would I care what she's wearing? I'll start off with what you could call the cliché answer: Mystery.
I know what the missus looks like underneath everything, I have a pretty darn good mental image, yet the minute you put a pair of panties over her perfectly formed butt, or a bra on her perky and sensitive breasts, then I feel like they are a little out of reach, like I have to work for them. For that simple reason I do enjoy it when she keeps some of it on during sex. Maybe she keeps the skirt on during doggie style, or keeps her bra on while I go down on her, either way it keeps some mystery to it.
Now we move to more of an easthetic reason: it shows her off. Nothing puts a woman's best physically attractive traits into evidence like the right lingerie. I'm not talking about a push up bra to create cleavage or a thong that pops out of her jeans. I'm talking about something that embellishes a part of her which you already find attractive. Now I can't tell you what fabrics/pieces/styles go well on what because it all depends on the person and their preferences.
What I can give you are examples, of course once again from the missus. As I've mentionned a million times, and already once in this post, she has been gifted with a behind worth all the riches in the world. I mean a butt for which even the gods of the Pantheon would kneel down in amazement. Now as with most women, a thong looks great on her, the little string of fabric gives you a plentiful view but not much to the imagination. Now some people like that, as do I, but I much prefer a tight pair of bootyshorts/boyshorts. Those hug her curves and hold it up firmly, making it look even more bubblier than it is already. The tight, form-fitting shorts really do show it off under the best light without exposing everything right off the bat, it leaves something to be uncovered later on. From that point it could be lace, which it's smei-transparency enhances the whole mystery concept once more, or PVC for the real tight, leather look, or just sweats, for a mroe casual look.
Once again going with the Mystery idea, my favourite piece of lingerie is the corset. I've been known to spend quite a lot of dough on these due to my obsession with them. Once again not everyone likes corsets as they hide a lot of potential skin. The way I see them is it gives the missus a real victorian/classy look. Corsets do great to show off the breasts and hide anything you might feel is an imperfection (little tip: if you're dressing up in lingerie for your boyfriend, chances are he doesn't care about your "imperfections). Now with the corset, the boyshorts are not often the best choice as they tend to clash so most corset manufacturers bundle corsets with either matching material thongs, or skirts. The major problem with Boyshorts + Corsets combo is the fight for attention. They way boyshorts are designed, they grab the gaze and direct it towards what it's showing off: the butt. On the other hand corsets do the very same thing but with the chest. It's elegance and complexity fight off with the bottoms and you end up looking all over the place. With a thong though, it's much less fabric which shows off a lot more than on the top so it creates a really nice contrast between the almost-naked bottom, and the covered chest. The skirt though acts as almost an extension of the corset, often with the garter belt, to create the look of a one piece outfits where everything just works into each other. There's much less skin showing off, unless the corset has mesh, see through sides. Often with the skirt combo will the missus keep it on during the act, as both her and I enjoy the complexity of the outfit.
In a sub category of corsets are the bustiers, which, to be honest, aren't my thing. Along with cupless bras and crotchless panties I don't enjoy the lingerie that just show off everything right away. I see bustiers as a nice compliment to a bra and panties set (provided it matches), but not as a stand alone piece. In that case it looks more like a corset as it was originally designed in the Renaissance to slim a body down, rather than make it sexier. But I'm not one to discriminate against sexual preferences so if those are your department, then run wild.
Babydolls/nightgowns aren't as high on my list as corsets but nevertheless I made sure the missus owned a few for the occasion one of us would feel the need for it. Most babydolls are made of mostly see-through material so you forget the whole concept of mystery I built so hard to built up over the last few paragraphs. I look at it as more of a surprise before bed. Imagine you're getting ready to hit the hay and instead of coming out in her pj's and her bathrobe, your partner comes out wearing something almost completely see through over her body accompanied by a small thong. I'd call that a very nice surprise. She could come out in a corset yes but that would require more preparation (especially if it's a ribbon-tie). With the babydoll she just slide into it and is ready to go. I also see the babydoll as more of a romantic end to a night as compared to the corset. It could be something molded by Hollywood but after a romantic dinner and evening, you can easily imagine your lady slipping into one of these for you for a little romance and to "make love", as opposed to the corset which she would put on to "fuck your brains out".
As with my previous update regarding toys, after the main categories we fall down to the accessories. I'll go quickly through the obvious ones like stockings, which are in my opinion almost necessary in any kit that provides the garter belt for it. This one though I'll admit I can't explain why but even since the missus put them on the first time, I haven't been able to live without them. They add that extra dash of spicy to her outfit which always gets me going.
Shoes can be a very nice addition (mostly for those without the foot fetish). There is something to be said about the anticipation that rushes through you when you hear the clicks of heels as they get closer and closer. It's something primal and instinctive that just makes me wild. More often than not if she wears the shoes to turn me on, I'll have her keep them throughout the act.
Gloves are something I've been meaning to try but haven't had a chance to but the simple idea of it is enough. I do think it works either for the very classy look, or the very trashy fishnet look, nowhere in between really so keep that in mind.
There's plenty more of accessories that can be used but the rest fall more into the costume category which will be covered later on.
I feel at this point I should stop writing as most of these are preferences rather than facts, some points end up being harder to explain (such as my theory on women with lingerie) so I will bid you adieu until next week where I might be discussing watching porn with your partner.
"men shop for lingerie like children buy cereal. the dont care what they buy. as long as they get the prize thats inside"
-Jeff Foxworthy.
In a sad way it's true of some people. Some see lingerie as a waste of money since you're going to take it off of her anyway, why waste 200$ on something you'll see for 30 seconds? If that were true then why would companies waste money making new, better looking underwear? We could all be wearing white granny panties with a boring beige bra. Why would Victoria's Secret spend millions on their fashion show every year?
Why would women care then? The way I always saw it, and ladies you're welcome to correct me, but it gives them some ounce of dignity left. I'm not saying being naked shames then but she doesn't fully uncover herself. It might be only psychological but having some clothes on (despite how small they are) lets her keep some aspect of control on her own body. The second she removes them she is bare, everything is uncovered for him to see, the lingerie allows her not only to keep that psychological boost knowing he wants what's underneath, but to make him work that much harder for it. I definately believe in the psychological aspect of it as one of the happiest days I've seen the missus is when she went to work wearing a bra+panties kit worth well over 200$. She didn't show anybody or even told anyone, but the idea that underneath the work uniform was something like that, something classy and desirable, but it boosted her morale as it made her feel, pardon the expression, like a million bucks.
Well, because some of us men really enjoy the look of lingerie and some women really enjoy wearing it. But why? why would I care what she's wearing? I'll start off with what you could call the cliché answer: Mystery.
I know what the missus looks like underneath everything, I have a pretty darn good mental image, yet the minute you put a pair of panties over her perfectly formed butt, or a bra on her perky and sensitive breasts, then I feel like they are a little out of reach, like I have to work for them. For that simple reason I do enjoy it when she keeps some of it on during sex. Maybe she keeps the skirt on during doggie style, or keeps her bra on while I go down on her, either way it keeps some mystery to it.
Now we move to more of an easthetic reason: it shows her off. Nothing puts a woman's best physically attractive traits into evidence like the right lingerie. I'm not talking about a push up bra to create cleavage or a thong that pops out of her jeans. I'm talking about something that embellishes a part of her which you already find attractive. Now I can't tell you what fabrics/pieces/styles go well on what because it all depends on the person and their preferences.
What I can give you are examples, of course once again from the missus. As I've mentionned a million times, and already once in this post, she has been gifted with a behind worth all the riches in the world. I mean a butt for which even the gods of the Pantheon would kneel down in amazement. Now as with most women, a thong looks great on her, the little string of fabric gives you a plentiful view but not much to the imagination. Now some people like that, as do I, but I much prefer a tight pair of bootyshorts/boyshorts. Those hug her curves and hold it up firmly, making it look even more bubblier than it is already. The tight, form-fitting shorts really do show it off under the best light without exposing everything right off the bat, it leaves something to be uncovered later on. From that point it could be lace, which it's smei-transparency enhances the whole mystery concept once more, or PVC for the real tight, leather look, or just sweats, for a mroe casual look.
Once again going with the Mystery idea, my favourite piece of lingerie is the corset. I've been known to spend quite a lot of dough on these due to my obsession with them. Once again not everyone likes corsets as they hide a lot of potential skin. The way I see them is it gives the missus a real victorian/classy look. Corsets do great to show off the breasts and hide anything you might feel is an imperfection (little tip: if you're dressing up in lingerie for your boyfriend, chances are he doesn't care about your "imperfections). Now with the corset, the boyshorts are not often the best choice as they tend to clash so most corset manufacturers bundle corsets with either matching material thongs, or skirts. The major problem with Boyshorts + Corsets combo is the fight for attention. They way boyshorts are designed, they grab the gaze and direct it towards what it's showing off: the butt. On the other hand corsets do the very same thing but with the chest. It's elegance and complexity fight off with the bottoms and you end up looking all over the place. With a thong though, it's much less fabric which shows off a lot more than on the top so it creates a really nice contrast between the almost-naked bottom, and the covered chest. The skirt though acts as almost an extension of the corset, often with the garter belt, to create the look of a one piece outfits where everything just works into each other. There's much less skin showing off, unless the corset has mesh, see through sides. Often with the skirt combo will the missus keep it on during the act, as both her and I enjoy the complexity of the outfit.
In a sub category of corsets are the bustiers, which, to be honest, aren't my thing. Along with cupless bras and crotchless panties I don't enjoy the lingerie that just show off everything right away. I see bustiers as a nice compliment to a bra and panties set (provided it matches), but not as a stand alone piece. In that case it looks more like a corset as it was originally designed in the Renaissance to slim a body down, rather than make it sexier. But I'm not one to discriminate against sexual preferences so if those are your department, then run wild.
Babydolls/nightgowns aren't as high on my list as corsets but nevertheless I made sure the missus owned a few for the occasion one of us would feel the need for it. Most babydolls are made of mostly see-through material so you forget the whole concept of mystery I built so hard to built up over the last few paragraphs. I look at it as more of a surprise before bed. Imagine you're getting ready to hit the hay and instead of coming out in her pj's and her bathrobe, your partner comes out wearing something almost completely see through over her body accompanied by a small thong. I'd call that a very nice surprise. She could come out in a corset yes but that would require more preparation (especially if it's a ribbon-tie). With the babydoll she just slide into it and is ready to go. I also see the babydoll as more of a romantic end to a night as compared to the corset. It could be something molded by Hollywood but after a romantic dinner and evening, you can easily imagine your lady slipping into one of these for you for a little romance and to "make love", as opposed to the corset which she would put on to "fuck your brains out".
As with my previous update regarding toys, after the main categories we fall down to the accessories. I'll go quickly through the obvious ones like stockings, which are in my opinion almost necessary in any kit that provides the garter belt for it. This one though I'll admit I can't explain why but even since the missus put them on the first time, I haven't been able to live without them. They add that extra dash of spicy to her outfit which always gets me going.
Shoes can be a very nice addition (mostly for those without the foot fetish). There is something to be said about the anticipation that rushes through you when you hear the clicks of heels as they get closer and closer. It's something primal and instinctive that just makes me wild. More often than not if she wears the shoes to turn me on, I'll have her keep them throughout the act.
Gloves are something I've been meaning to try but haven't had a chance to but the simple idea of it is enough. I do think it works either for the very classy look, or the very trashy fishnet look, nowhere in between really so keep that in mind.
There's plenty more of accessories that can be used but the rest fall more into the costume category which will be covered later on.
I feel at this point I should stop writing as most of these are preferences rather than facts, some points end up being harder to explain (such as my theory on women with lingerie) so I will bid you adieu until next week where I might be discussing watching porn with your partner.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Quick note to those more reserved...
Here's a few things I recently got into an argument with a friend who mine who tends to settle in a much more sexually conservative frame of mind. I figured I would write this up, not for him as I don't plan on ever linking him this, but for anyone else who might read this and could possibly share some of of the same reservations.
Analingus: I can already hear both sides of the argument before getting into it
''It's sensitive muscles, chicks love it!''
versus
''But poo comes out of there!''
I fall in the first category. Analingus is something I very much enjoy giving (not receiving since I have some sort of irritable bowel). Yes I know ''Poo comes from there'' but the missus being a nurse, she inherited from very compulsive cleaning habit, meaning I trust her to be clean almost at all times.
Now of course it's always recommended to do it after a shower or bath. Little tip: take either a bath or a shower with her, you could even try it inside the shower, I guarantee she'll twist and moans in way you hadn't heard before. Once you are convinced she's hygenic, test the waters. Try it out and after a few minutes, if she's really into it, use your fingers to masterbate her. I can't speak for them but I don't think women mind double stimulation. Try to avoid using your tongue on both her anus and clit. She might be clean but some bacterias might transfer and cause infection (this applies also to fingers, don't use the same on both openings).
I know some of you might have just gotten the push you needed to try it out but some are probably still hesitant; in that case here's a very simple trick: Saran Wrap. Grab a small piece and place it over her anus before using your tongue on it. It basically acts as a condom would: sacrificing a little sensitivity, you assure you don't transfer anything nasty. Hell that's how I started, using the saran wrap, then worked my way up to doing it to her raw anytime/anywhere.
Toys: This is somewhat more common than I expected; people aren't receptive to the ideas of toys for some sort of variation on the emasculinating explanation.
''I'm the man, it should be my penis''
''I don't need toys to please her''
''I don't need help''
''But what if the toy is bigger than me, then she'll find me too small''
I subscribed to the last train of thought at first. I wasn't gifted with a member all that big and it's had it's toll on my self-esteem. So at first I made sure the missus' toys weren't any bigger. As time went on though she assured me, no matter the size, it wouldn't and couldn't replace the real thing. That put my worries to rest and she now has quite the collection (ironically, none of them are bigger than me simply because she feared they may hurt or other reasons.)
Toys will not replace you. Life isn't an episode of Sex and the City where whatever HorseFace's friend's name is swears off guys to have fun with only her jackrabbit. I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong on this but I don't expect to be wrong: Women need the real thing. That 150$ vibrator might be really nice and technologically advanced but it doesn't throb like the real thing, doesn't warm up like the real thing, doesn't pump blood through bulging veins like the real thing, and most of all, doesn't come like the real thing.
You may not NEED the help but just for fun, you could use it. No women needs to have both holes filled at once but once in a while she surely won't mind it.
You came before her but still want to finish her off? Pull out a vibrator.
You want to tease her outside? Wireless remove controller egg
She likes to have vibrations on her clit while being taken from behind? Get a Butterfly
She wants both holes filled but you're insecure with a threesome? Your manhood + a toy = her in complete ecstacy.
You have her tied up and want to tease her? Pull out anything that vibrates, or a glasswork that you made sure to cool down beforehand.
Try them, you won't regret them.
Moneyshot:
Every porn you've seen, the girl ends up with a Peter North shot to the face. Yes that can be really hot in porn but make sure your partner is okay with it. Not every girl likes it, actually most don't. But some do enjoy seeing you climax. The missus enjoys witnessing it while touching herself. Try out the waters by first coming on her stomach, (watching out for navel piercings because those can be a pain to clean out properly), then trying her chest. Lots of women to enjoy a warm orgasm on their breasts (this isn't to make women sound slutty by the way).
Most will stop there. A moneyshot to the face can be so degrading for the recipient so make sure you're not making her feel like an object when doing so.
Quick tip: If she isn't sure if she wants to try it or not, ask her if she wants to try it out in the shower. That way it can easily and quickly be washed off .
Not every girl is like porn stars and likes the bucket of semen in the face; even in the films you can see some of them don't enjoy, don't assume your girl wants the bukkake.
Roleplaying:
It's a matter of personal opinion on this one. Some just don't enjoy it. I guess my years playing D&D in high school are responsable for my enjoyment of it (and also responsable for my self-taught cunnilingus skills to try and compensate). If your partner doesn't enjoy it though, don't try to force her. You can ease her into it but don't go all out. Maybe she just enjoys wearing sexy costumes without the roleplaying. In this case you can ease her in by starting with small scenarios that don't require much roleplaying on her part:
Patient in a clinic
French maid cleaning
Fake porn interview
These aren't scenarios that require much on her part. Don't dive right away into the nurse, nun or dominatrix right away.
This sums it up pretty well. Those were the four points on which I noticed my friend was queasy and completely uncomfortable. I feel these little tips and tricks should help out at lease one person out there, which is why I started this in the first place.
Hopefully, I will be able to update this in the future. If not, well enjoy what I put down.
Analingus: I can already hear both sides of the argument before getting into it
''It's sensitive muscles, chicks love it!''
versus
''But poo comes out of there!''
I fall in the first category. Analingus is something I very much enjoy giving (not receiving since I have some sort of irritable bowel). Yes I know ''Poo comes from there'' but the missus being a nurse, she inherited from very compulsive cleaning habit, meaning I trust her to be clean almost at all times.
Now of course it's always recommended to do it after a shower or bath. Little tip: take either a bath or a shower with her, you could even try it inside the shower, I guarantee she'll twist and moans in way you hadn't heard before. Once you are convinced she's hygenic, test the waters. Try it out and after a few minutes, if she's really into it, use your fingers to masterbate her. I can't speak for them but I don't think women mind double stimulation. Try to avoid using your tongue on both her anus and clit. She might be clean but some bacterias might transfer and cause infection (this applies also to fingers, don't use the same on both openings).
I know some of you might have just gotten the push you needed to try it out but some are probably still hesitant; in that case here's a very simple trick: Saran Wrap. Grab a small piece and place it over her anus before using your tongue on it. It basically acts as a condom would: sacrificing a little sensitivity, you assure you don't transfer anything nasty. Hell that's how I started, using the saran wrap, then worked my way up to doing it to her raw anytime/anywhere.
Toys: This is somewhat more common than I expected; people aren't receptive to the ideas of toys for some sort of variation on the emasculinating explanation.
''I'm the man, it should be my penis''
''I don't need toys to please her''
''I don't need help''
''But what if the toy is bigger than me, then she'll find me too small''
I subscribed to the last train of thought at first. I wasn't gifted with a member all that big and it's had it's toll on my self-esteem. So at first I made sure the missus' toys weren't any bigger. As time went on though she assured me, no matter the size, it wouldn't and couldn't replace the real thing. That put my worries to rest and she now has quite the collection (ironically, none of them are bigger than me simply because she feared they may hurt or other reasons.)
Toys will not replace you. Life isn't an episode of Sex and the City where whatever HorseFace's friend's name is swears off guys to have fun with only her jackrabbit. I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong on this but I don't expect to be wrong: Women need the real thing. That 150$ vibrator might be really nice and technologically advanced but it doesn't throb like the real thing, doesn't warm up like the real thing, doesn't pump blood through bulging veins like the real thing, and most of all, doesn't come like the real thing.
You may not NEED the help but just for fun, you could use it. No women needs to have both holes filled at once but once in a while she surely won't mind it.
You came before her but still want to finish her off? Pull out a vibrator.
You want to tease her outside? Wireless remove controller egg
She likes to have vibrations on her clit while being taken from behind? Get a Butterfly
She wants both holes filled but you're insecure with a threesome? Your manhood + a toy = her in complete ecstacy.
You have her tied up and want to tease her? Pull out anything that vibrates, or a glasswork that you made sure to cool down beforehand.
Try them, you won't regret them.
Moneyshot:
Every porn you've seen, the girl ends up with a Peter North shot to the face. Yes that can be really hot in porn but make sure your partner is okay with it. Not every girl likes it, actually most don't. But some do enjoy seeing you climax. The missus enjoys witnessing it while touching herself. Try out the waters by first coming on her stomach, (watching out for navel piercings because those can be a pain to clean out properly), then trying her chest. Lots of women to enjoy a warm orgasm on their breasts (this isn't to make women sound slutty by the way).
Most will stop there. A moneyshot to the face can be so degrading for the recipient so make sure you're not making her feel like an object when doing so.
Quick tip: If she isn't sure if she wants to try it or not, ask her if she wants to try it out in the shower. That way it can easily and quickly be washed off .
Not every girl is like porn stars and likes the bucket of semen in the face; even in the films you can see some of them don't enjoy, don't assume your girl wants the bukkake.
Roleplaying:
It's a matter of personal opinion on this one. Some just don't enjoy it. I guess my years playing D&D in high school are responsable for my enjoyment of it (and also responsable for my self-taught cunnilingus skills to try and compensate). If your partner doesn't enjoy it though, don't try to force her. You can ease her into it but don't go all out. Maybe she just enjoys wearing sexy costumes without the roleplaying. In this case you can ease her in by starting with small scenarios that don't require much roleplaying on her part:
Patient in a clinic
French maid cleaning
Fake porn interview
These aren't scenarios that require much on her part. Don't dive right away into the nurse, nun or dominatrix right away.
This sums it up pretty well. Those were the four points on which I noticed my friend was queasy and completely uncomfortable. I feel these little tips and tricks should help out at lease one person out there, which is why I started this in the first place.
Hopefully, I will be able to update this in the future. If not, well enjoy what I put down.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tie you up all nice
I know I said I would write down my thoughts on the Butterfly but I figured I would keep the good ones for further down the road. At the same time, a little more experience with it wouldn't hurt. The missus strapping it on and bending on all four for me to slide behind is something I can never have ''enough experience with''. I shouldn't say anything else about it though, I don't want to give away all the punchlines, nor do I want to go off on some day dreaming tangent, especially since I'm writing this review from work; a workplace which has nothing to do with screaming orgasms, vibrating strap-on toys, or bondage.
Bondage you say?
Why yes little Billy, I said bondage.
But sir, I don't have any experience with such a thing! Can I jump right away into japanese rope bondage?
Now now Billy, you should probably work your way gradually! And where did you hear about japanese rope bondage?
Boys at school keep talking about it, they say it's swell!
We don't want to launch you straight away into the world of bondage without proper initiation now do we? Of course not! That's why they created the Under-The-Bed Bondage Kit.
The uner the who what now kit?
The Under-the-Bed Bondage kit! It's a strap sets which settles under your mattress and comes out towards the four corners to provide for adjustable support on any size bed!
Gee Willickers Mister! That means it could fit my single racecar bed?
It sure could! It could even fit your mother's king size bed. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I saw one earlier!
That's jolly-fine mister! So how does it work?
It's easy, even you could work it. All you have to do is wrap these soft padded cuffs to your little Suzie's wrists and ankles with the velcro straps. Then you pass the metal hoops through the hooks on each of the four straps and before you know it, little Suzie can't move and is completely at your mercy.
At my mercy? So what do I do then mister?
Well Billy, that's entirely up to you from there. You have a several positions you can tie her in, that leaves a whole world of possibilities.
Well mister, I don't know much about them sorts of things, could you help me figure out all sorts of things cool cats would do? I'd sure love to impress little Suzie if she she up all ginned up.
Well alright, here's a few things to do: You can ask little Suzie to lay on her back while you hook the cuffs. Then you pull on the strap to tighten everything and before you know it, her arms are immobile above her head, and her legs are spread for you to go ape in. You could show her you can do more than ask a whole lot a questions to a stranger with that mouth, or you could show her why little Billy is an ironic nickname for you. Either way, little Suzie will be screaming louder than at a Elvis Concert.
Wow mister, louder than Elvis?
Why sure! Or how about this; have little suzie get on all four, you know, like neighbor Winston's dog when he stares at cars.
That silly dog.
When she's all tied up what do you want to do? You could show her a good time from behind, or even have your tongue dolly up both her didjery-doo-holes.
But mister, what if I'd like little Suzie to work on my didjery-doo?
Then Billy, tie her up in the same fashion, but towards you. That way she'll be at just the right height to work on that great big lollipop she likes so much.
I do enjoy her working up the old cotton candy. But mister, do you think it's okay to give her the old rough up while she's all tied up?
Whoa there Billy, we don't want a case of domestic abuse. You have to work that out with little suzie before you start. Let her know you plan to punish her like a teacher who noticed she didn't do her homework. I'm sure she'll let you give her the old slappy with the ruler.
Boy Mister, this all sounds like fun. And you sound like one of them Teevee stars since you know so much about it!
Well Billy, that's because I've used it quite a few times. Here's a little secret Billy; I've done everything I suggested. The missus loves a good ole rough-up while tied up, it's all part of a little role play domination game. I love to tie her up and go to town on her with my tongue, she sure enjoys it too. It's a great accessory and should be part of any bedroom accessory selection.
Wow mister, you sure are right! Anything else I should think about doing to little Suzie? She's supposed to come over this afternoon for some cookies, a tall glass of lemonade and we're supposed to go down to the pond to throw rocks and see how many times they slip!
Hmmm I don't want to spoil your fun of discovering everything Billy but here's a little thing you might want to try. Have her on her back and go run to the freezer, grab one of them ice cubes from the tray.
But aren't those really cold?
They sure are, but that's exactly why you want them. You're going to rub it against all the parts of her that you saw in that Magazine Timmy showed you in the shed last week. She'll be throwing up a ruckus in no time!
Thanks a lot mister! I sure learned a lot today, I can't wait for little Suzie to get here!
Go on little Billy! And tell your mother I said thanks for a jolly time!
Well that was fun, little Billy sure learned a lot about an awesome piece of equipment. It's a great tool to introduce anyone to bondage and will have the missus moaning and tossing for more in a jiffy. I'd highly recommend it for anyone who wants to try a little more than handcuffs and want to experience the feeling of being completely at someone else's mercy, without going for the leather gimp suit, japanese rope bondage, and complete domination experience.
Bondage you say?
Why yes little Billy, I said bondage.
But sir, I don't have any experience with such a thing! Can I jump right away into japanese rope bondage?
Now now Billy, you should probably work your way gradually! And where did you hear about japanese rope bondage?
Boys at school keep talking about it, they say it's swell!
We don't want to launch you straight away into the world of bondage without proper initiation now do we? Of course not! That's why they created the Under-The-Bed Bondage Kit.
The uner the who what now kit?
The Under-the-Bed Bondage kit! It's a strap sets which settles under your mattress and comes out towards the four corners to provide for adjustable support on any size bed!
Gee Willickers Mister! That means it could fit my single racecar bed?
It sure could! It could even fit your mother's king size bed. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I saw one earlier!
That's jolly-fine mister! So how does it work?
It's easy, even you could work it. All you have to do is wrap these soft padded cuffs to your little Suzie's wrists and ankles with the velcro straps. Then you pass the metal hoops through the hooks on each of the four straps and before you know it, little Suzie can't move and is completely at your mercy.
At my mercy? So what do I do then mister?
Well Billy, that's entirely up to you from there. You have a several positions you can tie her in, that leaves a whole world of possibilities.
Well mister, I don't know much about them sorts of things, could you help me figure out all sorts of things cool cats would do? I'd sure love to impress little Suzie if she she up all ginned up.
Well alright, here's a few things to do: You can ask little Suzie to lay on her back while you hook the cuffs. Then you pull on the strap to tighten everything and before you know it, her arms are immobile above her head, and her legs are spread for you to go ape in. You could show her you can do more than ask a whole lot a questions to a stranger with that mouth, or you could show her why little Billy is an ironic nickname for you. Either way, little Suzie will be screaming louder than at a Elvis Concert.
Wow mister, louder than Elvis?
Why sure! Or how about this; have little suzie get on all four, you know, like neighbor Winston's dog when he stares at cars.
That silly dog.
When she's all tied up what do you want to do? You could show her a good time from behind, or even have your tongue dolly up both her didjery-doo-holes.
But mister, what if I'd like little Suzie to work on my didjery-doo?
Then Billy, tie her up in the same fashion, but towards you. That way she'll be at just the right height to work on that great big lollipop she likes so much.
I do enjoy her working up the old cotton candy. But mister, do you think it's okay to give her the old rough up while she's all tied up?
Whoa there Billy, we don't want a case of domestic abuse. You have to work that out with little suzie before you start. Let her know you plan to punish her like a teacher who noticed she didn't do her homework. I'm sure she'll let you give her the old slappy with the ruler.
Boy Mister, this all sounds like fun. And you sound like one of them Teevee stars since you know so much about it!
Well Billy, that's because I've used it quite a few times. Here's a little secret Billy; I've done everything I suggested. The missus loves a good ole rough-up while tied up, it's all part of a little role play domination game. I love to tie her up and go to town on her with my tongue, she sure enjoys it too. It's a great accessory and should be part of any bedroom accessory selection.
Wow mister, you sure are right! Anything else I should think about doing to little Suzie? She's supposed to come over this afternoon for some cookies, a tall glass of lemonade and we're supposed to go down to the pond to throw rocks and see how many times they slip!
Hmmm I don't want to spoil your fun of discovering everything Billy but here's a little thing you might want to try. Have her on her back and go run to the freezer, grab one of them ice cubes from the tray.
But aren't those really cold?
They sure are, but that's exactly why you want them. You're going to rub it against all the parts of her that you saw in that Magazine Timmy showed you in the shed last week. She'll be throwing up a ruckus in no time!
Thanks a lot mister! I sure learned a lot today, I can't wait for little Suzie to get here!
Go on little Billy! And tell your mother I said thanks for a jolly time!
Well that was fun, little Billy sure learned a lot about an awesome piece of equipment. It's a great tool to introduce anyone to bondage and will have the missus moaning and tossing for more in a jiffy. I'd highly recommend it for anyone who wants to try a little more than handcuffs and want to experience the feeling of being completely at someone else's mercy, without going for the leather gimp suit, japanese rope bondage, and complete domination experience.
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